I fold my arm behind my head and stare at the ceiling, my body tensing with the desire to chase down everything and everyone who comes for her at night. My mind burns with rage at all the possibilities.
My fists tighten as injustice rolls through me, but my rage must remain quiet.
She shifts beside me, and her knuckles bump my ribs. Everything in me wants to reach out and pull her close, but I stay perfectly still.
Her knees press into my thigh as her forehead rests against my shoulder. She said she’s never felt safe. I want to end that here and now, but one wrong move and I could be added to the list of threats.
I feel every inch of her skin against mine, and I have no doubt she feels it, too. I don’t dare move.
“Cole.” Her tentative voice surprises me. It sounds tortured and pained. “I’m. . .sorry.”
That knot in my gut explodes.
I roll onto my side to face her. “Don’t ever be sorry. You tell me what to do, whatever you need, and I’ll do it. Anything.”
Her face is inches from mine, so I move back a little, but then, she moves closer. Her arms are tucked between us, and somehow, I know what she’s asking. I won’t make her vocalize it.
I slide my arm around her carefully, giving her an out. When she doesn’t move, I let the pressure fall and hold her close.
Dangers may lurk everywhere, and the night may terrorize her, but I want her to know and feel that with me, she’s as safe as she will ever be.
“I will never not be broken.” Her whispered confession is a punch straight to the center of my chest.
I make myself be brave in return, knowing I mean every word. “Then give me all the jagged pieces. I want all of them.”
She buries her head a little further into my chest. “You don’t know what you’re asking.”
I rest my chin on the top of her head and inhale, careful to be honest, knowing it’s the only way. “I don’t, but. . .I know I’m strong enough to help you piece them back together. If you’ll let me.”
I have no idea what I’m asking of her, but I want it. I want her. All of her, whatever that means.
I wrap my arm around her a little tighter. “You told me once that you can’t unsee the things you’ve seen, and I’m sure that includes what you’ve survived.”
Her body stiffens slightly at my words.
I brush her damp hair out of her face, needing her to hear me and believe me. “I will walk into every place with you, no matter how far or how long or how dark. I won’t run. I won’t hide or turn away. And when we walk out, I’m still going to be here.”
“You can’t make that kind of promise when you don’t know. . . ” I hear the quiver in her tone.
I may never know or understand the extent to which she’s been hurt or all she’s survived. But I want to be the one she comes to for help. The one who makes it even the tiniest bit more tolerable.
“I’m here, and I’m not going anywhere. Believe in me.”
I’ve never been in love before. I’ve never slowed down and given myself a chance to find it, to know what it’s like. I’m not sure I even wanted to love someone when there’s a possibility they could stop when I’m no longer at the top of my game, or they realize I’m not who they imagined me to be. I don’t want to find out it wasn’t me they really loved, or give my heart to someone who would only disappear.
My mom and her love were gone in an instant. My dad drifted away—sitting in the stands at my game one day, then having trouble remembering who I was the next. Both left my heart broken. I’ve not been interested in giving it to someone new who could do further damage.
But Ryder showed up at my apartment and bulldozed through all of the pretenses that exist in my world. She doesn’t play by those rules. She’s real and sees the world through a lensthat few could stand to look through, let alone fight to undo what I’m learning is happening all around us.
I think I might be falling in love with Ryder Jones. Her laugh that only escapes when something is really funny. Her smile that’s reserved for those she deems deserving of it. The way her senses tune into the merest details. Her soul, which has more goodness, empathy, and kindness than most will ever be allowed to witness.
I want to be the one Ryder trusts with it all. The one she doesn’t hide from. I want to be her comfort and the place she finally recognizes as safe.
I squeeze my eyes shut tight, pressing my lips to her temple. Her body relaxes against mine, and it’s only a start. The thing is. . .I’m scared she won’t let me be any of those things.
Chapter 35
RYDER
