A moment later, the rain picks up, the water falling in sheets, the smell of a summer storm suddenly all-consuming. I don’t try to fight it, let myself get drenched. My hoodie sticks to my skin, and I turn my face to the sky, the rain pummeling me. When I speak my voice is nearly drowned out by the downpour. “Do you think Lucy will ever forgive me?” I shout.
“She will,” Ethan says, loud over the rain. “Give her time.”
“How do you know?” I ask, water rolling down my back, over my skin, washing me clean.
“Because I forgive my brothers for all sorts of things. And they forgive me.”
Ethan smiles at me, rain pouring down his face, his hair matted to his scalp, and in that moment, I choose to believe him.
Lucy
Erica’s sprawled out on a lounge chair next to her pool, exactly where I thought she’d be, and when I open the gate to her backyard, she sits up and pushes her sunglasses on top of her head. “What are you doing here?” The skin around her eyes is red and puffy, and my heart leaps into my throat as soon as I see her.
I drop onto the chair next to her and wrap her in my arms. “Taking care of you, duh.”
She lets out a sob, her cheek wet against my shoulder. “Everyone knows, don’t they?”
“Yeah,” I whisper. “How are you holding up?”
“Well, I’m nine weeks along, so I feel like shit. My parents are furious, and Billy’s family won’t speak to me until the paternity test comes back.”
“And I thoughtIhad problems.”
“Ha! That’s the first thing that’s made me laugh in weeks.”
“Do you know what you’re going to do yet?” I ask. She presses her palms to the sides of her head and folds her bottom lip under her teeth. When she doesn’t answer immediately, fear grips me hard, and I reach for her knee. “Erica?”
“I haven’t decided,” she says.
“You’re thinking of keeping it?” I stare at her, incredulous. “Butyou’re only eighteen. You’re going to NYU in two months. You’re…Erica, you’re akid.”
Erica pouts and leans back against the lounge chair. “I knew you’d react this way.”
“Well,yeah. Have you thought this through?”
“Of course not,” she says, her voice getting louder. “I haven’t had much time to process, and honestly I could really use a friend right now instead of another person telling me what to do with my body.”
Her words hit me square in the chest. She’s right. I can’t control her, just like I can’t control Millie or Frankie or even Ethan. All I can do is be there for her.
Erica closes her eyes, and her features tremble, a tiny earthquake rippling over her face. After what feels like an eternity, she looks at me. “If Billy were alive, the decision would be easier.”
She lets the words hang between us, her mouth trembling, her cheeks growing red. She presses a hand to her stomach, still flat, and when she looks at me, I understand why Erica would consider having this baby.
It may be the last remaining piece of Billy Godwin.
—
I stay inErica’s backyard for a long, long time. Long enough for darkness to fall, for Erica to pull the towel around her shoulders for warmth, and for me to suggest that maybe we go inside and raid her pantry.
In the frigid air-conditioning of her home, over bowls of boxed macaroni and cheese, Erica begins to tell me what’s happened.
“I wasn’t totally honest with you about why Billy and I brokeup,” she says. “When I said I liked myself more when I wasn’t with him, what I meant was that I liked myself more when I was with Trevor.” I scoop up a spoonful of noodles and listen intently.
“He made me comfortable. I don’t know how to explain it.” Erica sets her bowl on the table. “With Billy, I always felt like I had to perform. But Trevor was so…easy. A week before I officially broke things off with Billy, I asked Trevor if he wanted to go for a drive. He suggested we go over the bridge into Kimber Cove to see the sunset from a different vantage point.” She shrugs and throws up her hands. “I kissed him that night. That was that.”
“Trevor.” I shake my head. “I can’t believe it.”
“I know. Honestly, he seemed surprised, too. I always thought he had a crush on Millie, but after that…we just clicked.”
