“Clearly not.”
“That’s the only reason I said something. I thought she knew.”
“Well, now she hates me. She probably won’t ever speak to meagain.” My eyes sting and I tuck my hands inside the sleeves of my sweatshirt.
Ethan turns back toward the water. “Are you really in love with me?”
My shoulders tense up by my ears. “I thought so. Maybe. At some point.”
“And now? Still?”
“Now I just want my sister back.” I look out at the horizon and let my vision go blurry. “Did you mean what you said? That we don’t know you?”
“No one really knows each other,” he says, his voice soft around the edges. “We pretend to. But there are some things we keep hidden. Sometimes I feel like everyone treats me like the person they want me to be rather than the person I am. I think that’s what you did.”
I lean back and cross my ankles tight so the bones press together. I want to push back, but maybe he’sright. My whole life, I’ve looked at him as a perfect Prince Charming, one of the guys in my romance novels. I’d read a chapter of an epic love story, then look across the backyard and think to myself,There he is. If only…
But maybe there’s a reason why I ascribed those labels to Ethan instead of someone whowasattainable. Someone I could actually have. Because knowing I could never cross the line with Ethan without losing Lucy made it so that Iwouldn’tever have to submit myself to rejection or real, actual pain. I could continue living in a fantasy of ignorance, a boxed-in version of what I thought love might be. I could never get hurt because I could nevertry.
And yet…
Not only did I get hurt, but I hurt others in the process.
“Yeah,” I say softly. “I think I understand.”
Ethan lets out a noise that sounds somewhat like a laugh and even though it’s notreallyone, the bubble of tension around us seems to pop. “Next time you want to live out a fairy tale, choose someone else to chase after.”
“I was notchasing afteryou.”
“Youliterallychased me.” Ethan smirks, and I kick his shoulder with my toes, causing him to stumble forward and laugh.
“I’m glad this is funny to you.” But, surprising myself, I laugh, too, because objectively this whole situation is ridiculous. Incredibly, stupidly funny. “God, I’ve messed everything up.”
Ethan bowls over, clutching his stomach as his laughter gets louder and louder. “You definitely have.” He wipes his eyes with his pointer finger and stands up straight, trying to catch his breath. “It’s not all your fault. I kissed you, too.” He flicks his eyes up to me, and the usual hum in my stomach grows softer, almost imperceptible.
We’re both quiet, and I lean back against the tower, watching the waves crest against the shore, getting more violent by the moment, the far-out sea darkening beneath the gray sky.
“Hey,” he says. “Can I ask you something?”
“Not like I can say nonow.”
“You saw Trevor yesterday, right?” Ethan asks.
“Yeah.”
“How did he seem to you?”
“What do you mean?” I ask.
“I’m worried about him. With all this Erica stuff. I think he got in over his head.”
“He’s got you,” I say.
“And you, hopefully.” Ethan drums his nails on the inflatable around his middle. “I’m his brother, but I think he could use a friend.”
I press my hand to my stomach as a drop of rain lands on my forehead, rolling into my eye. “Okay,” I say. “I can do that.”
“Thanks,” he says.
