“She looks familiar,” he says.
“She’s hot and blonde. You probably think they all look the same.”
“Oh, fuck off,” he says.
“Back at you.”
Cal swallows hard and smiles. “Goldie,” he says. My name is soft and short on his lips. “I’m sorry,” he says.
I cross my arms to hide the tender ache inside my heart. Then Cal says it again.
“I’m sorry.”
CHAPTER 42
Then
Ava and Imogen came to visit me in Roxwood sophomore year. They invited themselves after Ava’s fall break trip to Malibu fell through at the last minute, and Mom and I spent a full two weeks planning the itinerary for the perfect long weekend.
We would go leaf peeping in the Green Mountain National Forest, get maple creemees at Grandee’s, and kayak over to the waterfront. Mom even convinced Stu and Mellie to let us spend an afternoon at Alpine Lake, so they could see camp in the fall.
I was so nervous as I waited for them to arrive in a black car Ava’s mom hired to drive them the full six hours north. I sat on the couch in our shabby living room, peering out the window, feeling like I was back at camp, waiting at the gazebo for the buses to pull around the traffic circle.
Our reunion was tender, full of tears and tackled hugs. I was grateful they didn’t ask for things they knew we didn’t have—like chilled vodka or Megaformer workout classes. They knew coming to visit meant slow-braised meats for dinner, Mom’s seven-layer bars for dessert, and movie marathons under my favorite quilts.
The weekend was perfect—all flannel and pumpkins and apple cider donuts—until Ava got bored on their final night in town.
We were sitting in my bedroom, a deck of cards strewn in front of us. I dipped a Wheat Thin in a jar of Nutella and laughed as Imogen tried to recite Cher’s opening monologue fromCluelessby heart.
After Imo’s third failed attempt, Ava butted in. “What if,” she started, “we walked down to Truly’s? See what all the fuss is about before we become counselors next year?”
We hadn’t stepped foot inside the bar yet, only heard about it through stories from the older people at camp. But kids in my grade had started hanging out there after hockey games. I had never been invited.
As I was about to suggest we watch another movie, Imogen jumped up and down. “Can we, Goldie? Maybe we can tell your parents we went to get another creemee. We can take a look inside. They won’t even know.”
I chewed on the inside of my cheek, trying to find the words to let them know that my parentswouldfind out because things don’t often stay hidden in a small town like Roxwood.
But I let them convince me and even lied to Mom and Dad, who didn’t seem to think anything was weird about our little fib.
I could feel Ava’s and Imogen’s nervous anticipation as we walked down my driveway and made a left and then a right as we hit the main drag in Roxwood.
“There it is!” Ava pointed to the hand-painted sign that hung on the front and I felt the butterflies hum in my stomach.
“Yep, in all its glory.” I kicked at the ground with my worn-out sneaker. “Can we go now?”
“Hold on,” Imo said. “Don’t you want to see what it’s like?”
“I heard they don’t card.” Ava’s eyes twinkled, full of mischief, and before we could stop her, she took off running toward the entrance and ducked inside.
I let Imogen drag me over there but when we got to the door, I couldn’t do it. I planted my feet. “I’ll wait out here,” I said. “Do a lap and come out.”
Imogen pouted. “Seriously?”
I nodded.
Imo kissed me on the cheek and darted inside. I leaned up against the brick wall and exhaled, watching my breath turn into a little cloud of smoke in front of my face. I could hear Imo and Ava laughing behind the door and squeezed my eyes shut.
“Goldie?”
