“Weird,” I say.
Christina shrugs and reaches into her back pocket, pulling out a ten-dollar bill. “Cumin, though? Would you mind?”
If I say yes then I’ll have to leave camp, and that means going into town where there are so many people who hate me, who wishIdied instead of Heller. But when I take a step toward Christina, I feel Heller’s badge move inside my sweatshirt pocket. If I’m able to get out of camp for a little while without anyone knowing, maybe I can make a pit stop at the clerk’s office and figure out whatever Heller was trying to tell Cal or see if there was anything tying him to Jordan.
“No problem,” I say. “But only if you run these hot cocoa packets down to the Lodge to Meg.”
Christina hands me the bill and the keys to the kitchen van. “Deal.”
CHAPTER 34
Then
There was one unseasonably warm day in early November when the temperature jumped above sixty and Heller skipped practice to take his dinghy out and see the sunset. It only had room for the two of us and a cooler full of snacks.
Together we sat in the middle of the lake and watched the sky change from blue to purple as we sipped hot apple cider spiked with rum.
The mountains surrounded us, creating a canyon, and Heller looked around, in awe of the quiet, the majesty.
“I wonder what this place looks like to your camp friends,” Heller said.
I paused, surprised by his words. “They think it’s beautiful.”
“How come you haven’t introduced me to Ava and Imogen?” he asked, his voice soft, almost hurt. “You always leave the room when they call you.”
My cheeks burned. Was that true? It must have been because theystilldidn’t know about him.
“Are you embarrassed of me or something?”
I reached for Heller. “You can’t be serious.”
But his mouth was a frown. “There are photos of them all over your room but you never talk about having us meet.”
I sighed. “It’s complicated.”
“I don’t see how.”
I chewed on the inside of my cheek, wondering how to explain everything—that Ava and Imogen wouldn’t understand Heller, they wouldn’tgethim or why I loved him. So, I found another truth. “I don’t think you’d like them,” I said. “They can be spoiled and bratty. They’re status-obsessed, always eating fancy sushi and talking about their trips to Europe. They’re not self-aware.” The words began tumbling out. Things I’d only thought in private but never said aloud. But once I started... I couldn’t stop. It was if I needed to hear them in my voice to admit to myself that they were true. “We’ve been close since we were eight but I don’t even know if we’d be friends if we met today. They... they can be hard to love.”
“They can’t be so bad if they’re your friends.”
“They love me. They’re loyal.”
“That’s not nothing.”
“It’s everything.”
“Maybe we can go down there over spring break or something. See the city? Spend some time with them? Maybe you’ll be ready to introduce me then.”
I looked at Heller, hopeful and open, and decided to believed him. “Yeah,” I said. “Maybe.”
Heller looked at his watch and then back toward town. “We should be getting back.”
“But then we’ll miss the best part of the sunset.”
Heller tapped his foot against the bottom of the boat. “I want to get to the clerk’s office before dinner. I gotta talk to Sally about something.”
“About what?”
