“My heart isracing,” Rachel whispers.
“It’s okay,” I murmur. Her hand finds mine and we squeeze each other hard.
I kick off my sneakers and walk to the beach where I told him to meet me. With every step, I try to stand taller, stronger, more like Rachel—or Shaila. I shake inside my fleece. Not from fright, though. From rage. Pure, searing rage coiled inside me like a snake. I’m ready to let it out.
When I get to my mark, I turn to the ocean. It’s one big black roiling mess, crashing with impatience. Foam peaks glisten in the distance. They provide the only other light aside from the moon and the stars.How can something this violent be my home?
“Here you are,” Adam says. He gives me that stupid dimpled grin and opens his arms for a hug.
I want to unleash something wretched but instead I walk into his arms and let him rest his head on mine, like we’ve done hundreds of times before. “You made it,” I say.
“So mysterious, Newman.”
I let him go and step back. I want to see his face head-on when he has to tell the truth for once. I need to catch everything he says, or none of this will work.
“Look, Adam,” I say sweetly. “This isn’t easy to say, but I need to talk to you about something.”
He raises his eyebrows and rests his hands on his hips. “What’s up?”
I take a deep breath and begin, just like we practiced. “I know about you and Shaila.” I try to look sad, like I’m heartbroken and hurt, not seething beneath my skin.
“What do you mean?” he asks softly. His smile fades and his dimple disappears.
“I know that you two were... you know.” I can’t bring myself to say it.
“Huh,” he says. “I don’t know what you mean.”
I shake my head and meet his eyes. “She wrote letters.”
Adam’s voice becomes a whisper. “What?”
I nod and purse my lips. “About cheating on Graham. About everything. About you.” I hold my breath and wait for him to speak next. I need to exaggerate, to pretend like I’m so sure of these facts my brain will explode.
“Well,” Adam says. He runs a hand through his hair and shifts from foot to foot. “We both know she was a little out there, though, right? I’m sure she blew things out of proportion.”
“Maybe.” I turn away to the sea, hoping I look miffed, jealous.
“What did she say?” Adam asks. His curiosity betrays him.
“That she was in love with someone who wasn’t Graham. That it would tear the Players apart. That it was you.” I bite my lip and hope he believes me.
Adam tilts his head up to the sky and closes his eyes. “I made a mistake.” My stomach ties itself into knots and Adam lowers his gaze to the waves. “You’re not, like, mad, are you?” he asks. “That was years ago. She’s not even...” Adam trailsoff and steps closer to me, just like I planned. “You and I have something special, something different, you know. It’s always been you and me.”
The words I’d always wanted to hear, now coated in a thick greasy sheen. I want to toss them into the Atlantic and watch them drown.
“Next year, we’ll finally be together. We can do all the things you wanted,” he continues.
I shake my head. “I don’t think so, Adam. Everything is different now.”
“What?” His eyebrows shoot up. I don’t say anything. My stomach flips. “Is this about Graham? All that bullshit about being innocent?” His eyes narrow and he stabs a finger at me, like I’m in trouble, like I betrayed him, which I guess I did. “You don’t really believe him, do you?”
“He makes some good points.”
“You’ve talked to him?” Adam asks. His voice is getting louder.
“Yes,” I say, trying to steady my voice. “Rachel, too.”
Adam’s eyes look like they’re about to bulge out of his head. “I told you she was crazy.” His fury starts to build. He’s almost where I need him to be.
