A small vibration hums against my leg. I pull out my phone and see Rachel’s name. My stomach flips.
I know it’s been a while, but what do you think? Are you down to help us? We need you, Newman.
I stare at the words turning blurry on the screen. Maybe I need them, too.
ELEVEN
WHEN I GEThome that night, I gaze at the stars on my ceiling. I’m so tired, but sleep won’t come. I try to remember the moments before everything changed. Before I became scared. Of the Players, and, more so, myself. What were we capable of? How far could we be pushed? How much would we sacrifice? When did my world shift?
It always comes back to one night in November of freshman year. It was a Friday, warmer than it should have been. The day after Thanksgiving. I remember because I had apple pie for breakfast and I could still taste the thick, sweet filling on my lips when Adam texted.
Be ready at 9, Newman. We’re having a night.
My skin tingled. I knew he was dating Rachel, but he was planning to hang out withme. It didn’t matter that the Calloways were in the Hamptons for the holiday. Or that Adam and his buddies had spent the past few weeks embarrassing me and my friends, forcing us to be available constantly. That night he sought me out on his own.
Okay, I responded.Should I bring my Player pack?
Nope. Night off. You deserve it.
The rest of the day was a slog and by 9, I had started to freak out.Where were we going? What was going to happen?When Mom asked me what I was up to, I just said hanging out with Adam. She didn’t ask questions. That was a plus, of course, having my parents trust that Adam wouldn’t lead me into something dark and dangerous.
Finally, I heard the familiar notes of crashing guitar chords coming from his Mercedes.
“Bye, Mom,” I called.
I skipped out the door and forced myself to slow my walk so I wouldn’t sprint to the passenger side. But when I went to pull the door open, Jake was there, too. He rolled down the window and flashed a sly smile.
“Get in the back, Newman.”
Shame warmed my neck and my skin felt sticky. I sunk into the leather and tried to catch Adam’s eye. But he kept his gaze straight ahead. I leaned forward to make out what they were saying above the music, but it was hopeless. Their voices were drowned out by the wailing chorus coming from the stereo.
So, I sat back and stared out the window, trying to figure out what to do with my hands. It was a short ride, though, and soon we were back at Adam’s house.
“Fam’s in the city,” he said. “Come on.” He motioned for Jake and me to follow him to the big wraparound porch.
I took a seat on the swing and felt the floor shift as it rocked me back and forth, floating in space. Adam sank down next to me and the wood creaked.
Jake propped himself up on a wicker armchair and pulled out a bottle of something dark from his jacket pocket.
“Here, Newman,” he said.
I took a sip and it tasted like poison. Then I took another and forced myself not to grimace.
“Told ya she could take it,” Adam said. He nudged my shoulder with his and I tried to smirk, like I thought this little get-together was so normal that it was boring. Adam reached for the bottle in my lap.
“All right, kid. You must be wondering why you’re here,” he said.
Before I could speak, Jake chimed in. “We’re meeting with everyone individually before we hit you guys with the harder pops.”
Makes sense, I thought, though I wondered why I was alone with them, why they didn’t wait to do it when Rachel, Tina, and the others were around, too.
“We just want to hang out, see what makes you tick, who you really are,” Jake continued. “Adam here has told me all about you, but I want to get to know you myself. So spill it, Jill,” Jake said, leaning forward and resting his elbows on his knees. “What’s your deal?
Adam tapped me on the shoulder with the bottle and I took another swig. Courage. The taste was getting more bearable and my throat had almost stopped burning. So I started to speak. I launched into some stupid word vomit about how I love astrophysics and how I had spent the summer up in Cape Cod with the best telescope on the East Coast. Adam looked down and kicked against the floorboards, sending us swinging back and forth. The momentum turned my stomach.
Jake shook his head. “Tell me something interesting, Newman. Got any deep, dark secrets?”
“What? No.” I laughed. I hadn’t done anything worthy of secrecy. I was boring through and through.
