Sierra stands, and so do Jared and Bryce. “I don’t know if I can watch this,” I whisper to Henry.
Henry squeezes my knee. “You only have to stay for a sec,” he goads. “Then go get a drink or something.”
I nod and clasp my hands together, bracing to watch my baby brother embarrass the shit out of himself. Because of me. Because I brought him here.
“Action, losers!” Nikki shrieks.
“Well, hi there, boys,” Sierra recites in a small, high voice. “What are you doing here by the pool?”
“We’re lifeguards this summer,” Bryce says, lowering his voice about an octave. “Wanna take a dip?”
“Oh, definitely,” she says. “I’m so thrilled you’re here to keep me safe.”
The stilted dialogue continues and I begin to relax. This won’t be so bad.
“Boring!” Nikki yells, tossing a plastic cup toward the front of the room. Robert wraps an arm around her shoulder and leans into her ear to whisper something. Nikki’s face breaks into a smile and she nods furiously. “Act it out!” she cheers. “Act it out!”
To my horror, the rest of the room begins chanting the same three words. “Act it out! Act it out!”
I can’t sit still anymore. I reach over to Nikki and put one hand on her bare ankle. “Nikki, chill out,” I whisper. “You’re going too far.”
With a flick of her foot, she shakes me off. She doesn’t even look my way as she continues cheering. “Act it out! Act it out!”
Only Quentin is silent beside me, staring in wide-eyed confusion as the rest of the room turns into a mob. Jared, Bryce, and Sierra freeze, unsure of how to proceed.
I shake my head at Jared, hoping he can read my mind.No, I think.You don’t have to do this.
But Bryce takes the lead and moves to stand behind Sierra.He nods for Jared to shift in front of her. As the room gets louder and louder, so does the throbbing in my head. Sierra’s face turns red and puffy and I have to leave.
I heave myself off the couch and push my way through the clump of sophomores in folding chairs, still hollering at what’s going down in front of them.
The back door is only a few feet away and the relief I feel when I push it open is so overwhelming. I sink to my knees on the wooden deck and lean my back against the house. I try to steady my breathing and look up. But the clouds are blocking out the stars. I squeeze my eyes shut and try to hear my heart beat.Breathe, I tell myself.Breathe.
The door opens behind me and breezy fabric passes over my head. Nikki.
“What’s your deal?” Her words are loud and sharp. It’s a side of her I’ve never seen. And it makes me want to run.
“It’s too much,” I whisper. “You’re humiliating them. That’s my brother.”
Nikki takes a step forward, towering over me.
“This isn’t like you,” I say. But her face is stone.
“Do you remember what happened when we had Showtime?” she asks.
“Of course.” I got off easy, reading out some stupid softcore scene with Quentin. We were last and everyone was so wasted at that point that no one even realized we were speaking. They had basically lost interest and it was over in sixty seconds flat.
“It was the absolute worst,” she says, her voice softening. I rack my brain to remember Nikki’s part, but I can’t. I can only picture Shaila hooting and hollering, moaning in her deep,gravelly voice with such over-the-top hilarity that everyone cheered. “I was with Robert,” Nikki continues. “We were almost at the end when Jake Horowitz got up from the back of the room.” She stops. “You don’t remember, do you?” I shake my head and bite my lip. Wind gusts from the ocean in the distance and a shiver runs up my spine.
“Ugh,” Nikki says with disgust. “Jake shoved Robert back into the crowd and said, ‘This is how it’s done, loser! This is how you screw her!’” Tiny tears appear in the corner of Nikki’s eyes and the memory floods my brain. He had mimed doing all sorts of things with Nikki in front of everyone, and afterward, she disappeared for the rest of the night. Shaila finally dragged her out of the Calloways’ third-floor bathroom when it was time to go home. Nikki never said how much it stung. How ashamed she must have felt. How we did nothing to stop it. We let it happen to her.
“Nikki,” I start, stumbling to my feet.
But she cuts me off. “The boys werealwaysin charge. It’s our turn to make the rules,” she says. “If we can take it, so can they. Look how we turned out? Strong as hell. Brilliant bitches. We’re doing them a favor.”
I know she’s wrong. So, so wrong. But looking at her beautiful, furious face, I know there’s nothing I can say that will change her mind. She’s my friend. Mybestfriend now. I just have to stay.
I say nothing and Nikki takes that to mean I’m on her side. She turns her chin up and retreats back into the house, leaving me alone in the cold night. I squeeze my eyes shut and will this all to be over, for graduation to come in an instant, for all of this to wash away.
