ADDIE
Twenty-One Years Old
Despite the winter chill,I feel nothing. Generally, I like the cold. I’ve yet to meet a hockey player who doesn’t. We kind of have to, since we spend hours in frigid arenas. Of course, I’m normally sweating under all my gear, so I’m not actually cold.
Still, I always soak in the first moment that the sensation hits me. It’s invigorating. Thrilling.
Right now the nip in the air is doing nothing for me. It’s not comforting and it’s not troublesome. It’s just there. JJ squeezes my fingers as we walk hand in hand toward the hospital. Twelve hours ago, we were in a hotel room, in our bubble of perfection. Cozy. Making plans for the future.
Now we’re minutes from meeting his daughter.
JJ has a daughter.
I’m going to be sick.
Yanking my hand from his, I pull up short on the sidewalk just outside the entrance. “You should go in without me.”
Frowning, he examines my face. His dark hair is mussed from pulling at it the entire flight and there are dark circles around his eyes. “Adeline, I can’t do this without you.”
My heart cracks. I want to be here for him. I know he needs me. But what about me? This isn’t…this wasn’t. Dammit, I don’t want to be angry, but I can’t help it.
JJ had a baby with someone else. With Tabitha. My stomach rolls.
It was no secret that JJ has dated women over the last few years. I tried to ignore that little fact, of course. We were barely ever in the same place because of our schedules, and he never took anyone home when I was around. If anything, when we were out with friends, he’d be anxious to leave so the two of us could hang out on our own. Women would flock to him and flirt, and it was like he didn’t see them. And Tabitha was one of those women who seemed to always be at the bars the hockey players frequented. When they weren’t at the one beneath the arena, that is. I just thought he was smart enough to stay away from the likes of her.
And now she’s had his child.
A baby.
Still, he’s JJ. I buried my feelings for him for years so I could support him. I can do it for one more hour.
Nodding, I slip my hand into his again. “Okay, let’s go.”
Rather than continue on, he holds still, studying my face like he’s memorizing every feature. “I love you, Adeline. And I know this isn’t—” Eyes falling shut, he sighs. “I’m so fucking pissed at myself for doing this to you. Truly. And asking you to be here for me?—”
“Hey.” I place my hands on his shoulders and squeeze. “Look at me.”
His blue eyes are watery as they hold mine, full of fear and desperation and maybe a little hope. Like I’m his salvation. So I straighten, digging deep for some version of confidence. “I love you. We’ll figure this out. Now let’s go meet your little girl.”
His eyes fall shut and he sags in relief. “I don’t deserve you,” he rasps. Then his lips are on mine, taking me in a sweet kiss. He pulls away quicker than I’d like, and as he links his fingers with mine, I tell myself that that kiss won’t be the last one we’ll ever share.
Still, I wish I’d savored it more.
Hand in hand, we walk inside, and after JJ gives his name to the receptionist, we’re given name tags and directedto the elevators.
We’re silent as the stainless-steel box climbs. When we hit the tenth floor, we step off and walk silently down the hall, following the signs on the walls. I pause when we get to room 1021, my breath stalling out.
This is the room where he’ll meet his child. She’s in there. But so is Tabitha. And I just—I don’t know how to do this.
“It was once,” he murmurs, staring at the closed door. “Before—” He shakes his head and then looks at me, expression pleading. “When you called me about the Olympics, when that girl answered…that was the first time you’d ever given me any indication that it bothered you that I was with a woman.”
Pain and frustration clash inside me. “So had I brought it up sooner, you’d have kept it in your pants?”
Eyes widening, he wavers, like he’s on the verge of losing his balance.
I slap my hand over my mouth, mortification shrouding me. “I’m sorry.”
He shakes his head. “You have nothing to apologize for.”
