But JJ isn’t who I’m worried about right now. No, today I’m choosing me. I deserve to be here. I don’t deserve to have to coach Dirk. To face him every day for an entire season.
I can’t. I won’t.
Before I can chicken out, I pull out my phone and text my uncles.
Me: Can we talk?
Gavin, Brooks and Aiden are seated at a round table in the back when I walk into the restaurant. I made a reservation at a place a few blocks from our hotel and asked them to meet me here.
Not one of them questioned it.
And here they are. God, I should have gone to them years ago. I should have spoken up.
Seeing them here now, I can’t believe I ever thought I couldn’t.
But my best friend, the person I trusted most in the world, didn’t believe me when I tried to tell him back then, so why would they?
Brooks is sitting against the wall, so he spots me first. Eyes lighting up, he waves me over.
Both Aiden and Gavin smile when they see me as well.
And there goes the fluttering of nerves again. Because now I have to talk. I have to do what I should have done before.
“Thank you for meeting me here,” I say past the lump in my throat.
Aiden gives me a funny look. “Why are you being so formal? It’s just dinner.” He stands and pulls me in for a hug. Wrapping my arms around him, I close my eyes and settle my head against his chest.And for a moment, I just breathe.
He shifts, looking down at me. “You okay?”
His voice is soft. Too soft. If things continue like this, I might cry.
Pulling back, I nod. Then I slide into the empty seat, sitting before my other uncles can soften me with more hugs. “It’s actually not just dinner,” I say, placing my hands flat on top of each other on the table.
Gavin frowns. “What’s up?”
I take a deep breath and dig deep for the words. “I don’t want to call Dirk up.”
Brooks eyes Gavin, brow creased. “You think the rookie would be a better fit?”
Gavin shakes his head. “Nah, he’s too green. Dirk isn’t the best, but with Addie coaching?—”
“That’s just it,” I say. “I don’t want to coach.”
All three sets of eyes snap to me.
“What?” Brooks asks.
“I want to play.”
The moment the words come out, a giggle breaks free. “I would make the better second goalie.Iwant to play.”
When they’re all silent, expressions stunned, I launch into my stats. I list off every record I broke in the PWHL. Every record I broke the second time I played for the Olympic team. A complete shutout. The entire series. Unheard of.
“Camden had been begging me to consider playing. Even if it wasn’t for the Bolts.”
Gavin’s smile is blinding. “You don’t have to convince us of your abilities. We’ve seen you play more than any of the guys on the team. It’s all we’ve wanted for a long time. You were meant to wear this uniform. But you didn’t want it.”
Head lowered, I swallow. Then I meet his eye and then tell the truth. “I was scared.” I shrug. “I didn’t think I would be accepted.”
