He looks up, his eyes wide with surprise, though a smirk quickly slides across his face. Cocky fucker pulls off his mask and settles it against the net, then reaches for his water. “You were right. She was pretty good on her kn?—”
My fist meets his mouth before the last word leaves it.
THIRTY-TWO
ADDIE
Somehow I holdit together through the plane ride to Chicago, through the bus ride to the hotel, and through practice.
Only when we’re finally released for the night, do I sneak away while JJ is talking to Brayden and Bobby and rush to my hotel room. The moment I shut the door, I collapse against it and slide to the floor.
It’s been four years since it happened and I still feel dirty when I think of Dirk. Dirty because somehow he ended up in my room. Dirty because I wasn’t dressed when I woke up and found him sitting in a chair, staring at me, like he’d been waiting for that moment. Waiting to humiliate me just a bit more.
I’d barely opened my eyes when JJ had knocked on the door. I saw Dirk. Told him to leave. He went pretty quickly, but when the door swung open, there was JJ, looking like I had betrayed him in the worst way.
I close my eyes and will my breathing to steady. It’s a routine I’ve fallen into far too many times since that morning after the Olympics. Everything was perfect and then it wasn’t.
I couldn’t face the team after Dirk plastered photos of me all over the locker room.
Pictures that came from my phone.
Stills from the video JJ and I had taken together.
Dirk took my most intimate moment, with a man I thought I could trust, and plastered images of it all over the locker room.
A friend on the team alerted me to it while I was getting dressed in the bathroom. Yeah, the bathroom. Not a locker room. The Vices only had one. He took a picture and sent it to me.
I couldn’t face it.
I’d put up with a lot through the years playing with men, but if that kind of harassment was what it took to stand in an NHL locker room, if that’s what it took to set foot on that ice, they could keep it.
At the time, that felt like my only option. I’m older and wiser and I have thicker skin now. And I’m angry. I should have faced it.Ididn’t doanythingwrong.
But between JJ’s betrayal and the way he lashed out, I’d been drained of all my drive. I was still reeling, shocked by how easily he walked away when I was so fragile. Time and again, I’d stood by his side when he needed me, and yet he didn’t even give me the opportunity to explain.
I didn’t know why Dirk was there. And I absolutely didn’t want him in that room.
The time between when I sat down in the bar the night before and when I woke up was missing from my mind. Nine hours completely unaccounted for.
I never have more than two drinks now.
I never allow a man to buy one for me.
He did that to me.
Shaking, teeth chattering, I stare at the hotel bed.
I can’t coach him. I can’t travel to countless hotels wondering if I’ll wake up not knowing again.
I was tested. Pregnancy tests. STD tests. A rape kit.
We found nothing.
It was bullying. I’m almost positive. Mind games. He wanted the position and he couldn’t stand on his own damn skates and prove himself. I would have had that position. It was mine.
But I didn’t report it. Not to the NHL, not to the cops, and definitely not to my family.
I don’t even know what JJ knows and what he assumes. Maybe hethinks Dirk took advantage of a sad girl. He doesn’t know the whole truth. That, I’m sure of. If he did, he’d have killed him on day one of practice. He wouldn’t have waited until Dirk pulled that stupid stunt with the puck to go after him.
