“I’m scared of losing you. I feel like I’m barely holding on some days. So, if it feels like I’m coming on strong, it’s because I am. If it feels like I’m holding you close, it’s because I can’t bear the thought of you not being right here with me. I’ve spent my entire adult life helping people find their soulmates, but this is the first time I’ve felt anything close to the feeling they describe when I do. And since I know you still think this is a game, let me tell you one more time: I will do anything to earn your trust. And if that means taking care of my needs myself, just know that you’re the only person on my mind while I’m fucking my hand.”
Willow was quiet for a long time. Eventually, she tucked her feet beneath her ass, and rested her head on my shoulder. “I just want to find the place where I feel wanted.”
She had been silent for so long that it startled me when she made the confession. “What do you mean?”
“I thought I would find it in California. I didn’t. The only time I’ve felt it here is when I was with Shep or Lisa. Things with my mom and Amber have deteriorated over the years. It’s like . . . the closer they get, the further they push me away. I’ve traveled across the country countless times and I’ve never found the place where I belong. Where people want me to be there and expect me to stay.” She slipped her hand into mine and squeezed. “I got really jealous of Wander when she moved to North Carolina and fell in love with Jack. It’s like there was this whole place that was just waiting for her to show up. I’ve never had that. I’m scared that I’ll never find where I’m wanted.”
“What’s your dream?” I asked as I pulled her into my lap and wrapped my arms around her waist.
“I dunno.”
“You have to have some idea.” I kissed the back of her head. “What’s your dream for your career?”
Willow thought for a moment. “I think I’m happy where I am. I make a respectable living. I don’t want the notorietyWhitney has or the pressure Wander has. I like calling the shots and controlling my schedule.”
“What about your personal life? The little house and the big van?”
She nodded. “Still the little house and the big van.”
“Kids? Pets?”
“Honestly, I’m not an animal person. I don’t mind them, but I want to keep traveling and I’d hate for a dog to be stuck in a van for days on end.”
“What about kids? Do you want a family?”
“Yeah,” she whispered. “And I don’t want them to ever feel like they don’t belong.”
THE FORD METHOD: WEEK EIGHT
HAPPINESS
Happiness. Seems simple, right? What’s that old saying? “Happy wife, happy life?”
Okay, maybe it’s notthatsimple. And it definitely goes both ways.
Last week, you made it through a night of intense conversation. Hopefully, your night of intimacy led to more conversations throughout the week.
This week, we’re going to take a breather from the hard stuff and dive into the concept of seizing joy and throwing it back into the universe.
What goes around comes around, right? You can’t expect blessings to come to you if you don’t bless others.
This extends beyond treating yourself and your partner. It’s about building a life and community centered around loving wide. Not just loving deep.
It’s not just about a cup of coffee waiting on the bedside table. It’s not just about putting air in their tires on a cold day. It’s about setting aside time to do good in the worldtogether.
For the last seven weeks, you have focused on each other. Now, it’s time to stand side by side and turn your gaze outward.
What are some ways that you can do good to the people around you? How do you think working with your partner toward a mutual goal and mutual good will affect your bond?
It’s so easy to fall into the cycle of focusing solely on your partner, your loved ones, and your responsibilities. Building up the community around you is just as important. When you love your community, your community will love you back.
This week’s homework is two-fold: seize joy, then give it back.
If it sounds a lot like week three when we tackled learning how your partner gives love and receives it, you would be correct. But this time, it’s not just about you. It’s about cultivating the world around you to create an environment where your relationship will thrive.
Don’t see happiness around you? Create it. You’re creating it for your partner too.
For a non-exhaustive list of ways to get involved in your community, visit The Ford Method website and click on the “get involved” tab. There, you can search for open volunteeropportunities near you, or scroll through the list of ideas that have been curated to give you inspiration on ways to give back.
