HOLY SHIT, YES. I’m totally winning the bet. Tell us when you hook up for the first time. Have you hooked up yet? Also, what happened to Michigan?
Me
Shep died.
Two sets of three dots appeared and disappeared as the girls typed responses, deleted them, and retyped. There were no words they could say that would ease the sting or dampen the grief. I knew that, and they knew that, so I put them out of their misery.
Me
I might be MIA for a bit. Ryan’s here with me. He helped with the drive. Lisa was over a little bit ago. I’ll be okay eventually. It just really fucking hurts right now.
Whitney
Are you staying at Bev’s house?
Me
Yeah.
Wander
Good. You’re where you should be. Let us know what we can do for you.
I had no doubt that Whitney and Wander would jump on a plane if I so much as asked for a tissue. I had done the same for them. But Whitney was pregnant, and Wander was settling into her own happily ever after. I didn’t want to be the needy single friend who was a constant burden.
“You doing okay?”
I didn’t even realize that Ryan had walked up. He settled on the couch and set a tray on the coffee table in front of us.
Pierogies and hot chocolate.
“I fully understand that it feels like hellfire outside, but pierogies are comfort food even if they come from the frozen food section.” He picked up a mug and handed it to me. “And a wise woman once said that hot chocolate is made for pierogies.”
Tears welled in my eyes at the first sip. “Ry . . .”
He picked up his mug and tapped it against mine in a somber toast. “To Step Shep.”
Prickles of sadness clawed at my throat as the knot in the middle grew and grew.
“You need to eat something,” Ryan said as he took a sip, then set his mug back on the tray. “I can make you a sandwich or something if this doesn’t sound good.”
“No,” I said through the sand that coated my voice. “This is . . .” I sniffed and shook my head in disbelief. “This means a lot to me. The food . . . You washing my car . . . You being here.”
Ryan nodded in understanding. “I know our circumstances are a little unconventional, but I do care about you. And I do like spending time with you. A lot.”
I made a show of huffing like the entirety of our forced proximity was an inconvenience.
When, really, it was the furthest thing from it.
“I suppose you’re not entirely repulsive, Ryan Ford. Some might even call you tolerable.”
I grabbed a pierogi as Ryan laughed. It certainly wasn’t as good as the ones we had in New York, but it wasn’t bad for a freezer aisle score.
“Are you one of those ‘some?’” Ryan asked as he went for one of his own.
“No,” I said through a bite.
Ryan looked at me curiously. “No? You don’t think I’m tolerable?” He licked the sheen of oil off his fingers, then held them out, ticking off each point as he listed them. “I’m a great driver. I find good places to stop. I’m an excellent bedmate. I’m highly motivated by food, so you know whatever we eat is going to be good.”
