We reached the spot where the trail forked. The left led toward the stream and the right toward the hideout. I turned right without hesitation, and Lochlan followed but stretched out to take my hand and pull me to a slower pace.
“Jillian,” he said softly.
I didn’t want to have some deep, emotional conversation. I didn’t want to talk to anyone. “If you’re about to ask me how I’m feeling, please don’t.”
“I was just going to ask if you want company tonight. You can take my bed and I’ll sleep in the rocking chair.”
I didn’t answer right away. Lochlan was being kind as ever, and I was being just as prickly as a porcupine. As horrible and devastating a blow as I’d been dealt, Lochlan didn’t deserve to be treated poorly. He already had Roderick for that.
“Yes, please,” I whispered. “I don’t want to be alone tonight.” The raw vulnerability was almost as achingly painful as hearing Dahlia tell me about my mother all over again. If I was left alone with my thoughts, I’d likely go mad.
When the illuminated windows of the cottage swam out of the darkness, I slowed until I came to a complete halt. The idea of having to face anyone else tonight was too much to bear. I didn’t want to talk to anyone or pretend to be something other than the heartbroken daughter I was.
“It looks like Roderick and Peter are back,” Lochlan said. “I’ll go in first, then let you in through the window so they don’t see you or the dress. I’ll tell them you stayed with your”—he broke off, clearly about to saymother,and changed mid-sentence—“friend in town tonight.”
The sharp pain redoubled in my chest. Gil still had a mother. I would have to keep up that façade around Peter and Roderick. But I hadn’t had a mother for years. I just hadn’t known it until tonight. I nearly started crying again.
“Thank you for caring about me,” I said quietly to Lochlan. “It means more than you know.”
He folded me into another hug. “I don’t know how you feel, but I promise I’ll do everything I can for you. I’ll take care of you.”
He left me outside and went in alone. There were a few minutes of chatter and laughing, then a door shut and a candle flickered to life in Lochlan’s room. He slid his window open and helped me climb inside.
“I have your clothes,” he told me, pointing to a pile of Gil’s breeches and tunic. “I won’t look.” He turned to put his nose in the corner while I changed, gratefully slipping back into the boy’s clothing that felt so much safer than the dress had. I wadded up the gown and shoved it under Lochlan’s bed, burrowing it past some dusty boxes so it wouldn’t be visible. I didn’t even want to look at it or I’d start thinking about my mother all over again. In fact, I vowed I would never wear another dress so long as I lived.
“Done,” I told Lochlan quietly.
He turned back around and folded down the blankets for me on the bed. “Here, you need the rest,” he said softly. “I’ll be right here if you need me.” He sat in the wooden rocking chair.
“That can’t be comfortable,” I told him, throwing the pillows over to him. “At least sit on those or put them behind your back. I won’t sleep well knowing you are miserable.”
Lochlan placed one pillow on the seat and propped the other behind his back, then closed his eyes. “Ah, it’s so soft now.”
I blew out the candle and sank into the bed. Even in the darkness, I could still make out Lochlan’s silhouette, framed against the window as he sat in the rocker.
My mother might not be alive, but Lochlan was just as good as any family I’d ever known.
I didn’t know what I’d do without him.
CHAPTER 25
Lochlan had been right. A good night’s sleep did wonders for my clarity of thought. Though I was still devastated by discovering the loss of my mother and felt weighed down every time I thought of her death, renewed hope surged. I could still find my sister and father. If I had survived as a child growing up on the streets, they surely had to have made it.
I snuck out of the window and walked back in the front door the next morning, acting as though I’d met one of my friends at the wedding and stayed to catch up.
“So how was the wedding?” Peter called when I came in. “Who all was there?”
“You remember Elena and Jameson, right?”
Peter grinned. “Of course. I remember them very well.” He hesitated, then asked, “Was Prince Ernst there? Jameson’s brother?”
“Of course. He wouldn’t miss his own brother’s wedding. Then there was Prince Korth, his fiancée Dahlia, and a veritable army of guests. Every royal I knew of was there, including some of the representatives from Ebora’s new government.”
“What’s Ernst like?”
“I don’t know. I didn’t talk to him.”
“Is he tall? Short? Talkative? Stupid? Shoals, I hope he’s ugly.”
