‘Will you be sad to share it with other people?’
‘No, I’m looking forward to it being back to what it was before it was abandoned. It would have been a busy working farm. I know we’re not farming, but I like the thought of there being life here again.’
‘I can understand that. Why didn’t your father tell you about it?’
‘I’m not sure. It’s one of those questions you wish you’d asked before it was too late. I know he was estranged from his parents, and I think it was because he didn’t want that life for himself. I guess it was a time of change when there were more opportunities for people if they moved to the cities than there had ever been before, and he wanted that, not this.’
‘And now you’re doing the opposite.’
‘I hadn’t thought of it like that.’
‘It’s a great thing, Mats. It’s leaning into your heritage, doing something that means something to you.’
It was as if she were reading his mind, because the first thing he’d thought when she pointed out that it was the opposite, wasthat he was betraying his father. Shunning the life his father had wanted to embrace, and had believed in so much that he had lost his own family over it, if that’s what had happened. Was that why his siblings had been reluctant?
‘Hey,’ Lotta said gently. ‘What’s this about?’ She ran her fingers across the crease in his brow.
‘I’m letting my father down.’
‘Absolutely not.’ She surprised him with the sternness of her response. ‘Your father was proud of you. I might not have met your parents, but I know that you and your brother and sisters are close, that your family was close, and families like that thrive by supporting each other no matter what. Because they love each other. Even if your father didn’t understand, you would have helped him to, and I’m sure he would have listened, Mats. Because he loved you and would want you to be happy.’
He nodded and smiled tightly, fighting the lump in his throat. ‘Thank you.’
‘Come on, let’s go to bed.’
She stood up and held out a hand to him. The fire was dying down, but Mats sloshed some water from the fjord over it to be safe. They loaded themselves up, carrying everything they’d brought with them in one go back to the cabin, where the glow of the firelight through the window welcomed them back.
Lotta’s words rang in his ears. His father might have been puzzled at his decision, but deep down Mats had to believe he’d have been behind it. He had pictured his father and mother exploring this place with him many times, just as he had with Lotta that morning, and his imagination always showed them smiling and excited. That’s what he had to cling to.
17
Lotta lay in bed the following morning debating whether to get up and put a couple of logs on the fire. It was freezing, and that was the answer, but getting out of bed would wake Mats, and he looked so peaceful sleeping next to her.
She’d surprised herself by how much she’d enjoyed the day before. Obviously the weather was on their side, it would have been a different story if it had rained, but the island, the cabin, everything — apart from the toilet situation — was idyllic. Could she live here? It was a question that had been turning around in her head all night because that was the reality of a future with Mats, whatever they may have said to each other last night. He was going to live here. It was his plan, a plan that was already underway so not about to be derailed by a romance, and to some extent, written in the stars.
How much he believed in this place, sinking everything into it, not knowing whether it was going to work, that was something Lotta admired. And envied. And right when he was taking this enormous risk, putting himself in such a vulnerable position after years of certainty, she was moving in the opposite direction. She wanted certainty.
She pulled the duvet further up, snuggling it around her chin. What was written in her stars? She’d spent so long trying to build up her business, following that dream, it was strange to realise that perhaps her dream was actually coming true, and hard to believe that she could have that success and still haveMats. He would want her to have both, and maybe she could? Norway wasn’t that far from London and the island wasn’t that far from a city with an airport. It was all possible. But she couldn’t shake the feeling that something she hadn’t thought would come along and ruin it. Then she’d be back to where she was before, with no career and no relationship.
When she’d been with Curtis, she’d had success in her career at the same time as what she’d thought was a successful relationship. Then, when she gave up her career to save her relationship, he’d said she’d lost her drive, and that was what he’d loved about her. So she’d lost both.
The truth was, she might be falling in love with the man lying next to her, but she knew she wasn’t about to hitch her wagon to his and ride into the sunset, leaving everything she’d worked for behind. It had to be separate. He had to be separate from any decisions she might make about her future. Mats, she knew, would never make her choose between her business and him, but he’d only ever seen this version of her, on the verge of success, happier than she’d been in a long time because things were finally happening for her. But what about afterwards? What would he think if she wasn’t this shiny version of herself anymore? No one else had wanted that Lotta before.
Mats stirred so Lotta seized the moment and climbed carefully out of the bed so as not to catapult Mats out of it at the same time with any sudden movement. She already had a pair of his woolly socks on because he’d had the foresight to know they’d be cold last night, but the floor was cold enough to make it feel as if her feet were bare. She opened the stove and put a couple of logs inside, hoping that the few glowing embers would be enough to get it going again. Then she pulled on her coat and boots and headed to the cabin where their bucket was.
Unsurprisingly, it was even colder outside, and Lotta dreaded the thought of having to pull her leggings down to go tothe loo. The sun was yet to rise completely, but the dusky light held the promise of another bright day.
She was perched on the bucket when she heard a shout. She froze. It wasn’t Mats. It sounded further away than that. And he’d still been asleep a minute ago. She pulled her bottoms up and opened the door tentatively, then she heard the shout again. She couldn’t make out what the man was saying, but who the hell was on the island anyway?
As she ran back to the cabin, she saw a man walking through the woods towards them. He raised a hand, but she didn’t wait to greet him. She burst through the door, breathless from adrenaline rather than exertion.
‘There’s someone here!’
Mats rubbed his eyes, blinking sleepily. ‘Okay.’ He sat up, looking entirely unconcerned.
‘No, there’s literally someone outside the cabin. Like they’ll be here any minute.’
‘It’s okay, Lotta.’ His sleepy smile was at odds with the emergency at hand. ‘You know about the right to roam laws in Norway? Anyone can come here, it’s fine.’
