‘I don’t know. Part of me thinks if I had met you before, I wouldn’t have taken on the island.’
‘No, Mats,’ she said gently, her palm against his cheek. ‘Don’t think like that. This is bigger than us.’
‘But it’s going to stop us.’
‘It makes it harder, but it was already going to be difficult even if you still lived in Oslo. I’m not going to be flying over here for much longer.’
‘So, what are we going to do? It feels too soon to make life-changing plans.’
He’d already made a life-changing plan, and he had no room for manoeuvre. He was all in on this project, and there was no going back. But he couldn’t ask Lotta to make a life-changing decision based on a few weeks of knowing each other, even if he knew she was the one for him. It had to be her wanting that just as much for herself, with no hint of him pushing her.
‘Our relationship has already been life-changing.’
He looked at her. She was watching the fire but flicked her eyes to him, checking what he thought about that.
‘You don’t have to say that,’ he said softly.
‘It’s true. I want to give us a chance. I’m up for that. But I suppose I feel like a lot is already starting to change in my life. The contract with Snug could change everything for me, and I need to give that chance to play out before I can commit to anything else.’
‘I get that,’ he said, although his heart sank. ‘It feels unfair… It’s going to be hard for me to even meet you halfway.’
‘I know what I’m getting into, Mats. And I know that what we have is already something special. Something that is already better than anything else in my life before. I don’t want that to slip through my fingers because of geography.’ She stood up androlled her shoulders, turning to face him. Waiting for his take on it.
‘My head is saying it’s too soon.’ He held back from telling her his heart disagreed. He wanted to tell her to move here, to Norway, to Oslo, even to the island, but he sensed she needed him to take the pressure off. And he needed to be sure there could never be a point in the future where she was living here and could turn around and say that she’d made the wrong decision. He couldn’t be responsible for her happiness in that way.
‘Your heart is all I care about,’ she said. ‘Your heart brought you here, to this island, and it sounds to me like your head might normally be in charge of that kind of decision. What does your heart say about us?’
He stood and took her hands in his. Hers were still cold from the fjord, and he rubbed her fingers in his. ‘My heart is yours, Lotta. Whatever you decide to do, it’s too late for me to save myself,’ he said, smiling.
She took his cheeks in her hands and kissed him. ‘Thank you. For not expecting anything.’
They cooked the sausages, folding slices of bread around them. The mysterious square breads that Mats had chosen, which had a spongy texture, followed them. He laid them one at a time in the pan, layering brown cheese slices on top, for just long enough to warm them through, then he rolled them tightly into a spiralled bready stick.
‘This is the most delicious thing I’ve eaten in ages,’ Lotta proclaimed. ‘We don’t need the smores.’
‘I could eat a smore,’ Mats said, finishing his second cheesy dessert.
‘We need a stick.’
Mats didn’t have to wander far to find a longish stick that would be suitable for spearing the marshmallows. He pulled hisknife out of his pocket and began stripping the bark from one end.
‘You just had that knife in your pocket?’
‘We’re camping,’ he said, raising an eyebrow.
‘It’s sexy,’ Lotta said, laughing.
‘The knife is sexy?’
‘You being all hunter-gatherer is sexy.’
He grinned, loving the way she was looking at him.
They laid a blanket on the grass next to the fire, any worry about being cold long forgotten in favour of lying side by side in the glow of the flames.
‘It’s amazing to think we’re the only people here,’ Lotta said.
‘We’re probably the only people to spend a night here for thirty years.’
