“Say something,” I plead, squeezing her hand.
“You knew how many Tundraynis died at his hand over the years.”
I dip my chin in a hesitant nod.
“And—and you believed he killed us.Me.” A statement, not a question.
I nod again.
Disbelief laces Sura’s voice when she says, almost to herself, “And still, you … care for him?”
I do. Tides help me, I do.
Tears stream down my face as I nod for the final time.
Sura is silent for several minutes.
It stretches between us for an eternity.
“Oh, Mayah-bear,” she finally whispers. “It’s all right.”
The force of the sob that wrenches from my throat shakes her narrow bed. Sura holds me as shuddering cries rack my body, cool relief mingled with cutting pain.
“If you ‘care’ for him,” she asks when my tears subside, “why are you inmybed?”
I shake my head. “He discovered the Equinox plan before I could tell him,” I whisper, my voice ragged. “Then he … caught me with Daak.”
A shuddering breath.
One more confession.
“And then … he killed Daak.”
Sura gasps, eyes wide.
“Tides drown you, Mayah.Hekilled Daak? And even still?”
“Even still,” I repeat, covering my face with my hands. “I—I attacked him after it happened. I was so distraught. I wasn’t thinking clearly. That’s when he learned about my waterwielding. He took me captive. I was certain he meant to kill me.” I swallow hard. “His men attacked me. They were going to … He killed them all for me. I ran. Sorka’s camp was nearby, and they captured him.” Fresh tears drip down my cheeks. “They beat him for days. I couldn’t bear the sight of him hurt. I think—I think that’s when I knew for sure. How I felt about him.” My voice drops lower, as if that might hide my shame. “Daak’s death gutted me, Sura. But now, the pain of hurting Zev,betrayinghim, guts me more,” I whisper.
I am ashamed. I am wretched. I am a monster.
But it’s a truth I can no longer deny.
“Wow,” Sura whispers. “I just—wow.”
“It doesn’t matter. Sometimes I think he still cares, but then he’ll make it clear he hates me. How can he not? After everything I’ve done.”
“Hates you?” Sura snorts. “The man is smitten with you. I know when you’ve entered a room just from the change in hisposture.” She sighs dramatically. “I suppose I’ll have to stop telling Tumaas to hug you when he’s around.”
“What?” I sputter. “Why have you been doing that?”
She shrugs, a sly smile on her full lips. “I like watching him unravel. Sometimes, his jaw clenches so hard, I pretend his teeth have cracked. Yesterday, I swear he bit his tongue. It made my week.”
I burst into laughter, until tears leak from my crinkled eyes. Sura watches me, her lips quirked.
“Have you told him how you feel?” she asks.
I nod slowly, the memory of that night together in the tent still a lingering wound. “After we left the Tundrayni camp, I told him. He didn’t believe me. He was … he was cruel.”
