Zev’s jaw is clenched tight, but I don’t miss the way his attention lingers on the bare skin of my thighs, even as anger dances in his molten gaze.
He doesn’t ask. I’m not sure why I’m compelled to explain.
“I came here because of the storm. I didn’t think you’d notice.”Or care.I can’t help the bitterness that seeps into my voice.
His lips press into a grim line. “It’s just the two of you?”
I debate saying no to torture him.
Make him wonder.
Make himachethe way I’ve been aching.
But I can’t think past the smoldering heat in his eyes. “Yes.”
He grunts, then strides down the corridor without another word, disappearing into our room.
The door slams shut louder than I intend. Sura is already tucked into bed. I join her beneath the covers, and for a while, neither of us says a word. We just exist in familiar silence, as the storm rages around us, her comforting hand never straying from my back.
It’s only when the thunder dies down that she speaks.
Her words shred another piece of my soul.
“I still see him in my dreams,” she whispers. Her eyes are glazed, like she’s not entirely here with me. “The smell of smoke. Burning flesh. But it’s wrong. Metallic.Worse. I didn’t think we’d make it, Mayah. I hadn’t eaten in days—food stores were low. Everything was given to the wielders. My ankle was broken. Tumaas refused to leave me.” Her voice splinters. “I begged him until my throat was raw. Until I had no voice left. My lips kept moving, pleading, even though no sound was coming out.” Her voice drops even lower, a lone tear sliding sideways down her cheek onto the pillow. “He wouldn’t have been able to hear me over the thunder and rain, anyway.
“We waited for death, lying motionless in the dirt. For hours. I was so fucking angry I was going to diehungry.” She takes a shaky breath. “He was covered from head to toe in armor.” I know whichheshe means. “A vengeful monster. He’d raise his hand, and lightning would follow. If a waterwielder tried to attack him—they’d shake uncontrollably,unnaturally, then fall to the ground.
“I don’t know how long we lay there. Waiting. Just waiting. Even after he left, after our camp was leveled, we didn’t dare move. By then, the smell of my own piss mingled with death. Tumaas’s heavy arm over my back was the only thing keeping me sane. Keeping me grounded. Eventually, Tumaas stood. There were three other survivors, nonwielders who’d played dead, too. No wielders—they hadn’t been cowardly like us. He killed them all.
“Tumaas carried me. We walked and walked and walked, but he never faltered, Mayah, not once. I can’t remember how many days we just existed. Numb. Broken.” She swallows hard, hand fisting the blanket. “And then Tairna and the rebels found us.”
Between the two of us, the pillow is soaked with tears. I wrap Sura in my arms, folding her into myself as she sobs. My sweet, carefree Sura, harboring so much pain, yet somehow still finding the strength to shine brightly for others.
“I’m so sorry, Sura.” Sharp pain lances through my heart again and again. “I’m so sorry. And to see him again now…”
She wipes away a lingering tear from her cheek. “The nightmares don’t come as often anymore. But when I heard you’d married him, it was a terror like I’d never known. It was worse than that night knowing that monster had you. That you were forced into it.” She takes a deep, shuddering breath. “I knew there was no way you’d choosehim.”
It’s a question wrapped in hope and accusation and betrayal.
It cuts at my heart. But I can’t lie to her.
“My father intended for me to marry his brother Faramir,” I start, twisting the blanket between my fingers. “Our plan was to poison everyone at the Equinox Festival. But … it was Zev that came to retrieve me from Tundrayn.” Sura flinches when I say his name. “Our carriage was attacked by rebels. He—he thought I was involved. That was the first time I truly saw the Dark Commander. He was violent and angry andlethal. He terrified me. But more than that … he enraged me. I hated him and what he represented. I blamed him for my mother’s death. Foryourdeath. For the death of every Tundrayni.” Sura’s eyes are riveted to me, but I can’t bring myself to meet them. “But … as we traveled together, it became harder to hate him. I began to see theman, not the Dark Commander.
“And … I didn’t want to admit it, but that man wasgood. He was hurting, just like I was. He kept me safe. He comforted meduring storms and didn’t humiliate me for it. And he protected me when any other man would’ve…” I swallow hard.
The words don’t want to pass my lips. I force myself to meet my best friend’s gaze and utter them anyway, stilted and hesitant. “H-he told me about the attack on your battalion. What he did. I thought he’d killed you and Tumaas. And still, I…”
The look of betrayal in Sura’s anguished blue eyes nearly silences me, but I force myself to keep going. “Nothing can excuse what he did, Sura,nothing. Tides drown me if I lie, I would do anything to save you from what you endured.”
“But?”
I’m tempted to fling myself over the edge in her voice.
“He’d just watched his best friend—hisonlyfriend—die a painful death after hours of suffering. It doesn’t excuse what he did, but he was hurting. He’d just lost the person closest to him, after already losing his mother.”
The air grows thick around us.
Sura doesn’t respond.
