“I don’t deserve you,” I say thickly, wondering how the hell I got so lucky for this wonderful woman to even consider me as a partner.
Her hands tighten, fingers digging into my flesh. “You do. You deserveeverything,” she says emphatically, her emerald eyes boring into mine.
We stay like that for a while; two damaged people quietly supporting one another and accepting each other’s broken parts. It’s comforting andfreeing in a way I’ve never experienced before, like I’m finally able to be myself in front of another person, and each breath comes easier.
But, as much as I want to live in this space, reality calls and our bubble is popped by the banging and loud chatter of the others getting themselves ready for today’s journey. I kiss Ollie once more, soft and sweet, before we part to get dressed and pack up our sleeping bags.
Seeing this, Harlow wanders over and darts between the two of us to beg for pets and attention, much to our amusement. Eventually we’re packed up and hand in hand, exit out of the room to face the rest of the group. The fear is still there, the uncertainty of whether Ollie will truly always want me, but it’s quieter than before.
I hope one day it’ll eventually fall silent.
Where There's Smoke
Rhys
Watching Ollie smile andlaugh as she sits between Alex and Theo is a special kind of torture. Even more so knowing just how much of a piece of shit I was to her the other night at the barn.
But every time I try to apologise, my throat closes up with shame and the words tangle on my tongue. I know the longer I leave it, the worse it’ll get, but I can’t bring myself to do it. The idea of showing Ollie my shameful weakness has my stomach tightening with nausea because what if she realises I’m exactly what Jerri says? That I’m a weak,incompetent coward?
Just the thought of seeing the disgust on her face is enough for me to keep my distance and haunt my dreams. I haven’t had a good night’s sleep since, and exhaustion weighs heavily on my shoulders.
The sound of Ollie’s laughter jars me from my depressing thoughts. Like magnets, my eyes are drawn to her. The way her emerald eyes sparkle with mirth in the low light, the smile that brightens her entire face and turns her from beautiful to breath-taking and the slight flush in her cheeks from happiness. She’s practically glowing; the attention from both Alex and Theo is doing her a world of good.
I wish I could join them.
Theo whispers something in her ear, making her laugh again and shake her head. My eyes flick to Alex as Theo presses a kiss against her forehead. The ex-rugby star’s eyes tighten and his body tenses slightly for a moment before he relaxes. I guess he’s still not completely sure about the relationship, but he’s not seconds from ripping Theo apart, so he must have made progress. No doubt doing it for Ollie’s benefit.
It seems all three of us will do just about anything for her.
My heart aches knowing there’s a good possibility I’ve ruined any chance of us being together like that. But maybe it’s for the best. With both Theo and Alex by her side, she has no use for me.
I rub my chest with a grimace and look away.
God, I’m a fucking mess. I need to get a hold of myself and snap out of this pity party. There are people depending on me for their safety, and I can’t afford to drown myself in my sorrows.
Needing to get away and do something physical, I give Harlow the rest of my dinner and move away from the happy threesome to scout the house we’re staying in for the night. Most people are already in their beds, chatting quietly to one another. A few give me nasty looks, no doubt still pissed about the way things went down in the barn, but I pay them no mind.
They don’t have to like me; they just have to follow orders.
The ones Idopay attention to are the ones who shoot Ollie and the guys disgusted looks. It’s mostly the men and older folk, some even tutting and shaking their heads while muttering about how the youth has been corrupted by the apocalypse. A cold glare from me has them shutting up quickly and averting their gazes.
The one good thing is that Jerri is avoiding us like the plague and hasn’t done or said anything to me, Ollie, or the guys. It’s almost peaceful as she keeps herself huddled in her small group of friends, not even looking in our direction. Maybe Ollie’s punch finally knocked some sense into her.
I snort. Yeah, I’ll believe that when I see it.
By the time I finish checking outside of every window to the dark fields that surround us, Alex, Ollie, and Theo have gone to bed. The three of them are in the utility room—no doubt trying to get at least a little privacy in this crowded house—snuggled together like a litter of puppies. The dark circles Ollie had around her eyes for the past week are almost gone, and she looks so peaceful in their arms.
I turn away before I do something stupid; like beg for her forgiveness and then scoop her up so I can have her for myself. The last thing I need is for Theo or Alex to beat the shit out of me for taking her away from them like a selfish bastard.
I head into the main living room and step over the sleeping bodies littering the floor. Simon, a former security guard, sits in the corner, his attention focused on the large window that overlooks the house’s back garden. He’s a big man, rivalling Alex in terms of height and muscle mass. Over the past week, he’s shown himself to be someone I can rely on, as he’s very adept at keeping a cool head under pressure.
He glances over at me as I walk over to him.
“Shouldn’t you be asleep?” he asks with an arched eyebrow.
I shrug. “Probably.” Not that I’d sleep anyway. All I’ll end up doing is lying in my sleeping bag wishing for either the night to be over or for my patrol shift to start so I no longer have to dwell on my thoughts.
“Working yourself until you collapse from exhaustion isn’t the smartest idea, not with how on edge everyone is.” His keen dark eyes glance around at the sleeping people littered around the room. “People aren’t happy with you lot.”
