I blink, my brain struggling to understand why this has anything to do with her rejecting me. “Change how I feel about you?” I parrot back.
She nods, her expression turning wary, and then she blurts out the very last thing I expect. “I’m sterile.”
“I-what?” Did I hear her correctly?
She shrinks in on herself, her shoulders coming up to her ears and her knees curling into her chest. “I can’t have kids. The car accident that killed my parents also destroyed by ability to get pregnant.” She tenses, almost as if she’s bracing herself for something.
I’m even more confused. This isn’t the rejection I was expecting, and now I’m having to scramble to make sense of everything she’s saying. Especially since I already knew about her inability to have kids. Ethan—may the piece of shit rest in hell—made sure we knew.
Unless she’s not rejecting me at all…
Understanding dawns, and the tight muscles in my back and shoulder unclench as I blow out a breath. My guts are still coiled with lingering dread, but my chest doesn’t feel like it’s caving in.
But even as I relax, Ollie only winds herself tighter, her arms clamped around her drawn-up knees and her face frozen into a pained grimace. “I understand if this is something you can’t live with,” she says, her voice so soft and filled with resignation that it makes my heart bleed.
Shit. I’ve been silent too long, and she’s taking it the wrong way.
I crawl over to her and shake my head. “Sorry, sweetheart, I thought you were going to kick me to the curb, so I’m having to play catch-up with everything you’ve said.” I cup the back of her head, twining my fingers through her thick hair, but she doesn’t relax into my touch.
She’s still wary, braced for the killing blow to her heart.
Seeing her like this makes me realise just how similar we are. We’re both broken people, terrified of giving our hearts to someone else in case they tear it apart like others have in our past.
“I don’t care that you can’t have kids, Ollie. I’ve never wanted them and now, with the world being the way it is, I can’t fathom bringing one into this mess.” This is something Rhys, Theo, and I all agree on. “Why do you think this would change my feelings for you?”
She nibbles on her lower lip. “Because it has for others in the past.”
I swallow a growl. I know that was coming—especially after the way Ethan spoke about her—but those pieces of shit from her past are luckythey aren’t here otherwise they’d be rendered as nothing more than bloody smears on the ground after I’m done with them. The idea of those bastards making Ollie feel like she’s less than because she can’t conceive…
The hand not threaded in Ollie’s hair clenches into a fist, and I grind my teeth. “I want to make this clear for you; your ability to have children or not doesn’t make you less of a person. And it doesn’t, and will never, change my feelings for you.” I lean in and claim her lips, making sure she doesn’t just hear how sincere I am, butfeelsit too.
She tenses for a moment, unsure, but quickly melts into the kiss with a sigh. Her hands reach up to grab my shoulders, pulling herself against me as I deepen the kiss. I’m not sure how long we stay like that, both of us losing ourselves in each other when we finally break apart, flushed and panting.
None of this has changed my terror of being with Ollie and exposing my heart to potentially getting wrecked again. But seeing that she has similar fears to me gives me cautious hope that maybe she won’t just cast me aside.
“Can we talk about what you said before?” Her fingers brush against the side of my neck, causing goosebumps to erupt across my skin.
What I said before?My brow furrows. “You’ll have to be more specific, sweetheart. I said a lot of things before.”
“You said you thought I was going to kick you to the curb. Why?”
My heart gives a painful thump, and I grimace at the reminder. Every part of me is screaming to deflect or to shut this conversation down. She doesn’t need to know that another woman found me lacking and then laughed in my face when I begged her not to leave me. I don’t want her seeing me as pathetic like Willow did.
But then I remember how open and honest Ollie has been about her past with me. How, even when terrified of rejection, she shared with me something deeply personal about herself. Seeing how brave she is, even in the face of having her heart broken, makes me want to be brave too.
I swallow hard and slide my trembling hands down her back. I can’t believe I’m doing this. “It happened before. I was tossed aside and it... almost destroyed me.”
Understanding dawns on her face. “Willow.”
I nod and play with the end of her braid while keeping my breathing steady. “Willow, yeah. She decided one day that she didn’t want me and wasn’t exactly kind about it.”Understatement of the century. “Some of the things she said were incredibly hurtful, and it really fucked me up.”
Her eyes darken, and her jaw tightens. “The more I hear about her, the more I’m glad that you three are no longer with her. Fucking bitch.” She shuffles closer to me until she’s sitting in my lap and moves a hand up to cup the side of my face. “Whatever she told you, it isn’t true. I don’t need to know exactly what it was to understand that everything she said was a lie designed to hurt you. And if that woman’s still alive, she better pray that I never get my hands on her because it won’t be pretty.” Her tone takes on a dangerous edge that has me gaping.
I don’t know what I expected from Ollie when I told her about what Willow did; disgust, agreement, pity? I definitely didn’t expect righteous anger on my behalf or for her to promise pain if she ever found my ex.
It’s… amazing. And sexy as hell. While it doesn’t fix me or the fear still lurking in the back of my mind, it soothes a part of me that’s been broken since Willow spoke those words.
I blow out a heavy breath as something inside me unclenches and relaxes. Ollie watches me, her palm warm against the side of my head, and her eyes brimming with understanding.
