“Ollie, what’s wrong?” Theo asks, his thumb brushing tears from my cheek.
“I hurt him.” The words tear painfully from my throat as more tears drip down my cheeks. “I didn’t want to, but I was a selfish bitch and did it anyway, and now he hates me.”
Theo sighs heavily and draws me into his arms. I bury my face into his chest, uncaring that the stench of blood and rot still clings to him, and sob into his T-shirt.
“Alex doesn’t hate you,” he murmurs into my hair as his hands brush down my back in soothing strokes. “He might be hurting, but he’s onlyhurting because he cares. Like I told you before, you aren’t responsible for his emotions anymore than we’re responsible for yours.”
“I didn’t want to hurt him,” I mumble into his shirt. My knuckles are white from how hard I’m clutching him against me, desperate for the comfort I don’t deserve. “I don’t want to hurt any of you.”
He nods against my head. “I’ll fix it, Ollie, I promise. I’ll talk to him and make sure it works itself out.”
I want to believe him, but it’s hard when all I can see is the anger and iciness in Alex’s eyes and hear the soul-crushing pain in his voice.
Theo presses a kiss to the top of my head before pulling away. “Come on, we both stink and need a good wash and clean clothes.”
He pulls me towards where we set up our sleeping area, our bags lying next to one another. Harlow has already made herself comfortable on a pile of blankets, but she lifts her head and whines when she spots me. I bend and stroke her head a few times, wordlessly reassuring her before grabbing washing supplies and clean clothes.
As Theo and I walk towards the washing bay, I can’t help but look around for Alex. But he’s nowhere to be found.
Harsh Truths
Alex
It’s been two daysand I’m not sure how much longer I can avoid Theo and Ollie. Or the rage that’s been simmering inside me, demanding I release it.
It’s been there ever since I walked in on Theo devouring Ollie’s mouth like he was a starving man, only adding to the anger that was already there since the night of the attack. Which makes no sense. Sure, I was devastated after Ollie told me what happened between her and Theo and terrified that she’d already chosen before she’d given me a chance. But that all got pushed to the side when she came out with that crazy scheme to bait the Scourge guards into shooting byrunning in front of them.
Bloody hell. Even just thinking about it is enough to make my blood pressure skyrocket and my chest tighten with fear.
Maybe that’s why I can’t seem to shake this anger and betrayal bubbling up inside me, threatening to spill over every time I see Theo. Witheverything that happened that night, I never truly allowed myself to dwell on what Ollie told me or my feelings about it.
And there area lotof feelings.
Most of them revolve around wanting to break Theo’s fingers and then rearrange his face. Seeing them kiss only fanned the flames of my rage until it’s become an uncontrollable writhing beast beneath my skin, begging to be released. Which is terrifying because I can’t help but think that I’m turning out just likehim. The monster from my past who used his grief, fear, and anger as a weapon to beat me almost every single day of my childhood. The same monster I vowed never to become.
But if this fucked-up world has shown us anything, it’s that anyone can become a monster.
I sit back against the wall with a heavy sigh and stare up at the star-studded night sky through the skylight. My patrol shift ended over an hour ago and instead of returning to my sleeping bag, I’m in the dusty loft of the house we’ve squeezed everyone into for the night. I should be catching up on sleep right now, but the idea of going downstairs and seeing Ollie and Theo…
It makes me feel like my chest is caving in and my heart is being ripped out. I want to cry, yell, and punch the wall. And then steal Ollie from beside Theo like a bloody caveman and keep her for myself.
None of which are things a sane person would do.
I groan and scrub my face with my hands, wishing I knew what the fuck to do with all thesefeelingswrithing inside me without smashing my fist into something.
Orsomeone.
“Thought I’d find you up here,” says the verylastperson I want to talk to right now as he steps into the small space.
I ignore Theo and glare at the stars above me, as if they’re responsible for bringing him to me. Maybe they are, or maybe it’s some primordial deity that’s intent on punishing me for unknown sins I did in a pastlife. Either way, I’m now trapped in a small space with the man partly responsible for the turbulent emotions swirling inside me.
“Alex…” There’s a sigh. “You can’t keep avoiding me forever. At some point, we’re going to have to have this conversation.”
Not if I can help it. I remain silent.
“Stubborn prick.” He appears in my line of vision, blocking out the stars while staring down at me with a dark, frustrated expression.
I scowl and lurch to my feet. If he refuses to take the hint and fuck off, thenIwill.
