This time, Luca’s eyes traveled down Emerson’s body, sliding from his eyes to his mouth to his lap.
Emerson’s face flushed, fast and hot, when he took in Luca’s meaning.
“I—”
“No strings attached, obviously,” Luca cut him off. Which was fine, being that Emerson had no clue what he had actually been about to say. “I understand that you might still have—that it’s complicated, with your ex. I’m only proposing some physical release now and then. Some fun, you know?” A pause. “Kinda seems like you don’t let yourself have enough fun. But I saw what it could look like, yesterday. If you did.”
Emerson couldn’t breathe. Every bit of oxygen in his body was caught and tangled in the middle of his throat.
But somehow, he managed to swallow and get out, “I’ve never…had sex as a just-for-fun thing before. Even though—” Even though he knew a lot of the world did. Even though it wasn’t an idea he was philosophically opposed to. He realized he was trying to tell Luca that he’d only ever been with one person, and he felt quite positive that Luca…had been with more. But why would Luca even need to know this? What the hell was Emerson even thinking right now?
“Well.” Luca shrugged when Emerson never finished his thought, a half smirk quirking his lips. “Maybe it’s time to try out something new.”
But the smirk disappeared nearly as soon as it had appeared.
“Or, we can pretend this discussion never happened. Or you can fire me now. Or whatever.”
A half wheeze that was meant to be a laugh escaped Emerson’s lips. Like he would fire the free, incredible help he’d somehow stumbled into.
Except—he probablyshould. If he was a more responsible man in this moment, he absolutely would fire an employee who had propositioned him, however…kindly and well-intentioned it had been.
Because it did somehow feel like that. Kind. Emerson could barely stand to look at Luca again, for the earnestness in his eyes.
“But what would you get out of it?” he heard himself say.
Luca laughed.
“I mean. If you think fucking you would be ahardshipfor me, Emerson…” He shook his head. “Then you haven’t had anyone treat you right.”
Emerson’s breath got all tangled again.
His words in the old barn earlier came back to him, sudden and piercing.
What’s your least favorite part?
Never being able to take a break.
He couldn’t believe he was actually, possibly consideringthis. But god, the one day in four years he’d decided to do something fun for himself, and even that had gotten fucked up. Even though he was grateful for the work they’d gotten done in the old barn. He just?—
He knew he wouldn’t actually ever have time to go to the movies. To go to the brewery to look at Matt the bartender, to go on a real vacation. At least not on a regular basis. Not until something changed. Until he fixed up the greenhouses to extend his growing season, until the old barn truly was in good enough shape to rent out for more events, until he expanded his production and his employees.
And none of that would ever happen if he didn’t make it through this fall, this winter. If he couldn’t keep things together for another few months.
“Would there be, like…boundaries? Rules?”
Luca inched closer until his knee rested against Emerson’s thigh. Even that bit of contact, through their clothes?—
Emerson could practically feel it, the sudden glow of Luca’s energy. Luca knew he was close to victory.
“Yes. Of course. We would discuss, and then…shake on it.”
A laugh that came out shakier than Emerson wanted, that betrayed how shallow his breathing had become, escaped into the air between them.
“Shake on it,” he repeated.
Emerson still couldn’t make full eye contact, but he saw everything from the corner of his eye. Luca tilting his head, propping his left arm on the back of the couch, resting his temple on his fist. His other hand reaching out until his knuckles brushed down the side of Emerson’s face.
“Yeah,” Luca said, almost a whisper. “Whatever you want.”
