“No,” he said eventually. Because it was the simplest thing to say. And he wasn’t mad at Ben. He was frustrated at himself. For being so relieved Ben hadn’t left. For saying yes to walking with Ben in the first place.
“So…we’re cool?”
“Yeah, we’re cool.”
Alexei dropped his hand. Ben’s shoulders slumped forward in relief.
The silence that ensued still felt strange, fraught. Ben opened his mouth a few times, like he was going to say something else, but he never did.
A thought struck Alexei then. A solution, immediately soothing.
They would finishAlanna.
They would finishAlanna, and then Alexei would tell Ben everything. That he was too attracted to him to keep hiking together, that he needed time alone, that he had had a lovely time and was grateful. Ben would be understanding; Alexei knew he would. And Ben wouldn’t have any trouble finding other people to hike with; Alexei knew that, too.
Alexei breathed out, feeling infinitely better. He walked closer to his tent. Time to move on, start the day, keep walking again. They would both feel better, he knew, once they started walking again. That was the beauty of a trail. All you had to do was walk, and like a prayer, it healed you.
Something caught his eye several yards over, past the peak of his tent’s poles.
“Over there,” Alexei said, pointing with his chin. No call rang out, no songs to hear here, but their body movements were unmistakable. Remarkable.
“Roadrunners.”
Before Alexei fell back into his tent, he watched Ben swivel his head to see, a small smile taking over his features, like a breath of fresh air after you’d been stuck too long underwater.
Chapter Nine
Here’s a question, Lex.” Ben’s pack hit the floor of the motel room with a thud. “What first? Bed or box?”
Alexei stared at the Priority Mail Flat Rate box he’d dropped onto his bed, hands on hips. Alexei’s name, written in his neat handwriting, straight block letters in thick Sharpie, was the most orderly thing Ben had ever seen. Ben tried, sincerely, not to be turned on by it.
In any case, Alexei was taking too long. While he deliberated, Ben made his decision, moving his own unopened box to the table in the corner before taking a flying backward leap onto the mattress. With a dramatic sigh, he closed his eyes, arms splayed wide at his sides.
It was four days and fifty-seven miles after Ben and Alexei’s late-night almost-run-in with the coyote. They had finally reached Big Bear City, home base for their next zero day. A zero day that includedbeds. And a private bathroom. And a rattling AC in the window.
It was so blissful, Ben could almost forget how he’d almost screwed it all up.
He had wanted to die, for a variety of reasons and in a number of ways, when he’d woken up in the middle of that night with his arms around Alexei.
He had attempted to make up for it over the following days by regaling Alexei with every memory he had of falling asleep at inappropriate times and places.
“When I was a freshman in high school, Tiago was a senior, and his basketball team made it to the regional championship,” he’d started as they’d carefully picked their way down sandy switchbacks through Hatchery Canyon. “Ended up going into overtime on free throws, after this call from the refs the other team didn’t agree with. Some parents started getting into a fight in the bleachers. Ma was yelling up a storm.”
He kept walking; stepped over a log.
“I fell right asleep. Missed Tiago’s overtime winning shot. He’s literally never stopped giving me shit about it.”
“I do believe you, you know,” Alexei had said. Ben believed him, that he believed him. But he also heard the amusement in Alexei’s voice, the smile that he hoped was underneath that beard as Alexei tromped along behind him. So he told another one.
“Junior prom,” Ben said. “My crush I didn’t think I’d ever have a chance with asked me to dance, and then whispered something, like, shockingly dirty in my ear. I walked over to the wall where Julie was afterward. Passed out on the floor.”
And it happened, just as Ben had hoped it would.
Alexei laughed.
“Okay, I don’t know if I actually believe that one.”
“Swear to God. You can ask Julie, next time we have service.”
