“So,” Alina said after a few quiet minutes of solid ice cream consumption had gone by. “I came to make sure you were alive, obviously. But I also wanted to tell you you’re a good brother. Because that first letter you sent made it sound like you weren’t sure. Which is ridiculous.”
Alexei huffed out a breath.
“Alina. I literally, like, exploded our family apart.”
“What are you even talking about? Alexei,youdidn’t do anything. Ourparentsexploded our family apart. That’s not on you, okay?”
Alexei looked down at his feet. He knew she was right. The last 2,000 miles had been for Alexei to tell himself that exact thing. But he still didn’t know how to navigate this with Alina.
“I know,” he eventually said. “But thank you for saying it.”
“Alexei…” Alina bit her lip. “I know things were awkward before you left. Like, super-duper awkward, and I am so sorry. I wish I could have been there for you more. It was just a lot for me to process, too, and I didn’t know the right thing to do, but Alexei…first of all, I should have said this right away, but you know I have absolutely no problem with you being gay, right?”
Alexei shot her one quick glance.
“I thought so, but I wasn’t completely sure.” He scratched at the scruff on his chin. “It didn’tfeellike you had a problem with me, but at the same time, we were raised in the same church, under the same parents…I don’t know. I wouldn’t have held it against you, if you disagreed with it even a little.”
“Well, Idon’t, okay?” Alina followed her defiant statement with an angry huff. “God, our parents, our church—they’re just so backwards about it all. Like…”She waved her free hand through the air. “Come on! You know?”
Alexei smiled, his insides warming. “Yeah, I know.”
“And anyway,” Alina said, a decibel or two quieter, swinging her legs, “I kind of always…wondered.”
“Yeah?” Alexei asked, more curious than anything. “For how long?”
“I don’t know. Like, since you were in high school and I was in middle school, maybe? I always thought you maybe had a crush on Mikhail, from youth group.”
Alexei leaned his elbows back against the table, stunned.
“Oh my God,” he said. “Ididhave a crush on Mikhail from youth group.”
Alina giggled. “Hewaspretty cute.”
Alexei grinned. “Yeah, he was.”
“Actually,” Alina said, “I wanted to talk to you about that, too. I know you’ve cut yourself off from…all of us, and that totally makes sense, I get it. But word has gotten around about you, what happened with Mom and Dad. And yeah, some of our old friends, some people in the church, are being real assholes about it.”
“Alina,” Alexei half gasped, half laughed at Alina sayingassholes.
“What?” she cried. “I’m an adult now, Alexei! I curse sometimes! And theyareassholes; there’s no other word for it.”
“All right.” Alexei smiled. “Fair enough.”
“My point was that some of your old friends feel really awful, Alexei. They’renotassholes, and they want to reach out to you, make sure you’re okay, let you know they don’t think homophobia is what our faith stands for, either.”
Alexei absorbed this. He appreciated it, of course. It did make him feel glad.
At the same time, there was a reason Alina had called his old friends from youth groupyour old friends. He would let them know he was doing okay, maybe. But they had been drifting apart for a while. When he thought about them, it didn’t give him the same sensation in his chest he had felt at brunch in Nashville with Laynie and Khalil, the same comfort he’d been able to access in London and Dahlia’s apartment. He wanted to chase that feeling again.
“And I’d love to help you in your search for a new church if you want,” Alina said after a moment of silence. “If you want to do it on your own, I understand. But…it might be good for me, too.”
Alexei nodded.
“I would love that, Alina.”
A few moments passed before Alexei took a breath and asked. He asked because he sensed Alina was expecting it. Because maybe if he asked one final time, out loud, they could move on.
“They’re doing okay?”
