I creep back to the camp and crouch in the shadows, listening to the Sirens moving around. When Diablos starts talking again, I listening intently.
He’s explaining communication and how to deal with human emotions, but my mind won’t settle. All I keep remembering is how it felt to be so close to Brio. The heat that radiated off his body, the rage. They made me feel alive and not just like I’m surviving but that I’m actually enjoying myself.
Fighting with them is the most fun I’ve had in my whole life.
Leaf approaches, a strong wall of muscle and strength that is trying to be small. In a short amount of time, he’s become a constant, and I find myself searching for his mammoth presence. Uneasily relying on him like he’s the only thing safe in this world.
No, I don’t want this.
It’s safer to be alone.
Safer to be a Nightmare who lives only to survive.
No, there is nothing there. Not between me and the Sirens, nothing with Leaf, and especially nothing with Brio.
They want me dead.
They will kill me.
I am just their monster.
Chapter 11
Canto
Diablos has decided after three days to dump us in a village and test us. I am not amused in the least. I fold my arms over my chest and watch the humans bustling around, selling their wares.
It’s some kind of market. There’s music and food. It reminds me of a place where I grew up before I was taken to study the art of war. I avoid places like this. They bring back memories of before.
I’m not proud of who I am. My parents were horrified when they came to see me and saw that I’d become nothing but a killer. I think they would be even more disgusted now.
The witch grumbles and whips her head around, moving too fast, unnaturally fast. I study her for a moment and realise what it is. I’ve seen young Fae when they walk into a battle with the same look. Everything is overwhelming her. There are too many sounds that are too loud, too many smells. All their feelings are in full speed, making it hard to concentrate and focus. This place is dangerous.
I could let her flounder.
I should.
Instead, I speed up so I can walk beside her.
It’s not mercy. It’s pity. It’s strategic.
“Focus on something that you know. One thing that can ground you. The rest is background noise.”
Her chest rises and falls too fast; her hands fist at her sides.
“Leaf and Diablos are here. I am here. There is no danger.” I keep my voice low and moderated, confident but soothing.
She leans towards me, probably without even realising. This witch with all the different facets of herself confuses me. But this version is one that reaches to the younger me, and I feel a kinship with her. I know what she’s feeling because I felt it, too.
Ronit is staring at me, but I ignore him. If she loses her mind, everyone here will die. This is practical. This is…okay. I feel bad for her, but I’m never going to admit any of it. These are my issues.
Brio, Lirin, and Reed arrange themselves around us. Though Reed gives me a look of disgust.
“They are humans; you can stab them anywhere, and they will die. You are perfectly safe here. No Demons, no Nightmares, no Fae. Just our weird party.” My soft murmurs reach her ears only.
Slowly, she starts to calm.
I’ve seen so many different versions of her, but this lost and small version is my least favourite. It seems so fundamentally wrong for her to be like this.
