He nods slowly. Runs his thumb along one of the scratches. I can see that his mind is faraway, lost in his thoughts. And I can’t reach him.
The bird calls again from the tree line across the valley. Below us the grasses move in another long wave.
"I married my high school sweetheart." He's still looking at my hand. Turning it over slowly, tracing the lines. "I was madly in love with her. I couldn't wait to start my life with her. Build a home and a family with her. We married young and I worked my ass off in construction so we could have all the things that we dreamed. We had this whole life mapped out." He stops. Turns my hand palm up. "Found out, the hard way, that it was only me who thought so." A long pause. "She was with someone else. Someone who had money. We divorced."
I put my hand over his.
"I'm sorry that happened to you," I say. "You didn't deserve that."
He nods. Keeps his eyes on our hands. "I was lost for a while. I started drinking. Getting into fights. There was a lot of rage and I kept looking for somewhere to put it." His thumb stills on my palm. "That's how I met William. He was bouncing at a bar one night. Stepped in before something went very bad." A short exhale through his nose. "We became friends first. Then business partners. I knew about construction and property. He knew nightlife. First a bar. Then a club…"
"And now you own MH Group," I say.
He nods. "The worst thing that happened to me was also the best thing."
I know what he is saying.
"I know what you mean," I say. "The same thing happened to me. In a way." He looks at me, waiting. But, I don't want this to become about me right now, so I deflect.
I bump his shoulder with mine. "So are you going to invite your ex to the Vale Hotel opening?"
He gives me a quiet laugh. "No." He shakes his head. "She has a dentist husband. Two kids." A pause. "I guess she got what she wanted."
I can’t help it and I ask, "And you? Did you get what you wanted?"
He looks at me. His teeth catch his lower lip for just a second.
"Almost." he says.
He looks back at the valley. A moment of quiet. Then he starts talking again.
"That's why truth matters so much to me. Being truthful with others. Being truthful with yourself." He's watching the hills. "If she had been honest with herself she would have known that the life I was offering her wasn't what she wanted. Would have saved us both a lot of pain."
He turns and looks at me. “I will not allow myself to be in another situation where I am lied to. This…” and he gestures to the space between us with two fingers. "Amazing as it was, and I don't regret it, it can easily become a situation where someone gets hurt." He looks at me steadily. "You understand what I'm saying."
I do.
He holds my gaze for one more moment. Then he looks at the valley.
"We should get going."
He stands. We take the trail back. He walks beside me. He doesn't hold my hand this time.
In the drive back everything is the same. The scent of eucalyptus through the cracked window, the uneven road, same hills, same light.
It doesn't feel the same inside me.
He pulls into the hotel lot and we get out.
I need to say something. I need to go back to a moment where we were… something. "Wanna come see how the kitchen garden is coming along?"
He looks at me. A small hesitation.
"Maybe later." He is already turning and going to the hotel.
I stand in the lot. The sun is warm on my face and the rest of me feels heavy. The day has been too much. Too many things in too few hours, and my chest is full of all of it with nowhere for it to go. The only thing I know to do with that is work.
I found that at Greenhaven. Hands in the ground, enough physical demand to quiet everything else down.
