And I didn’t know if she would ever recover from it.
“Ryder.”
That one broken word nearly undid me, but I forced myself to remain calm as my eyes drifted to meet hers.
“Hey, sweetheart,” I smiled.
Her lip quivered as tears filled her eyes, and in that second, I was on my feet, climbing into the bed with her. Wrapping my body around hers, I held her as she broke, crying into my chest.
It took everything in me to hold back the tears that threatened to spill down my cheeks, and when she clutched my shirt, I lost it and the first tear fell.
“It’s going to be okay,” I whispered, my hands rubbing her back.
She didn’t show even the slightest sign of hesitation as she curled her body into mine.
“I love you,” I cried, pressing kisses to her cheek and anywhere else I could reach. “I love you so much.”
Shuttered, gasping cries muffled against my chest. “He—Ryder, he?—”
“I don’t care,” I hissed, kissing her even more as our tears mingled. “It doesn’t fucking matter to me. You’re here. You’re alive, and that’s all I fucking care about. The rest, we’ll get through.”
“But I…” She pulled away from me, barely able to look me in the eye. Her lip quivered as she struggled to put her thoughts into words. “I made him think I liked it.”
I cupped her cheeks, careful of the damaged skin. “And you survived,” I said fiercely. “You escaped because you did what you had to do. You are a survivor, Ellie. A fucking beautiful, amazing survivor. We will get through this.”
“But…” Her eyes dropped in shame. “How could you ever?—”
“Hey.” Tilting her chin up, I made sure her eyes were on mine when I said the next words. “There is not a single piece of you that I don’t love.”
“I’m dirty,” she whispered. “He’s inside me.” Her voice cracked as she squeezed her eyes closed. “He put his—it was in my mouth.”
“Ellie—”
But once she started saying the words, she couldn’t stop. It all spilled out of her like a waterfall.
“He had a knife in his pocket,” she whimpered. “And he was there, forcing me to take him in my mouth. And I just kept telling myself that if I could get the knife, I might make it out of there.”
“And you did,” I said soothingly, forcing myself to ignore the rage coursing through me.
“But even after I got it, it wasn’t over. He wanted more.”
Snot and tears mingled on her skin as she described everything he did, how he laughed as he took her. How he called her his filthy girl and told her he knew she wanted it.
And the whole time, she thought of me.
“You were there, Ryder,” she sniffled. “And maybe that makes it bad because you shouldn’t be part of that, but?—”
“Hey,” I whispered, pressing my forehead to hers. “If it got you through it, that’s all I fucking care about. If I could have traded places with you, I would have done that so you didn’t have to feel a fucking second of what that asshole did to you.”
I swallowed hard, my hands shaking as I gently brushed my knuckles along her cheek.
“I would give anything to make it better, Ellie.”
“How can you still love me?”
Her broken words shattered every piece of me. This beautiful woman, who had only shown everyone around her love, thought she wasn’t good enough.
“There is not a single thing that could ever make me stop loving you. I know you can’t see that right now, but someday, he won’t haunt you anymore. And you’ll see you are still the same strong, beautiful woman you’ve always been.”
