I’m done with my life being determined by your grief,Andrea said. Diana wishes she could forget her sister’s insults, but they are as clear to her as the lines from Tom’s letter.You need to get rid of the delusion Tom was such a perfect guy.
“I predict you’ll hear from Andrea in the morning. She’ll regret what she said and need support.”
Diana could make a case for needing support as well, but if Andrea is right and her needs have driven their family for the past two years, this is not the time for that comment. “Do you agree with her?”
“I don’t agree with how she came after you. That was wrong of her.” Vivian picks up the whistling kettle from the stove and pours the boiling water into the mugs as Diana takes the honey from the cupboard. “Tom was complicated, sweetheart.”
“Complicated?” Somehow that description hurts as badly as Andrea’s comments.
“My calling him complicated isn’t distressing, is it? You two loved one another, a fact I don’t have any doubt about. But he did demand a lot of you, didn’t he? He was so focused on what he wanted. He worked all the time. I worried about that. Your sister saw Tom differently than you or I did, and the letter set her off. She’s concerned about you and the kids.”
“She has an unusual way of showing her concern.”
“Try to forgive her. I’m asking a lot, but our family can’t have a rift between you two.”
“I’ll think about it. That’s the best I can offer.” Diana stirs a spoonful of honey in her tea and blows on the hot liquid. “You know, the person I would have forgiven, without any hesitation, was Tom. Even for committing a crime.I know I would have.Which is why all of this is so—”
“Upsetting. Disappointing. Frustrating. Worrisome. Maddening.” Vivian, never one to keep her opinions to herself, jumps in to finish Diana’s sentence.
“Yes, all of that. Maybe he was being selfish and hurtful, like Andie said.”
“That’s not the Tom your father and I knew. He was complicated, Diana, not malicious.”
“Why couldn’t he bring himself to tell me until he was dead?”
“Oh, Diana, he was ashamed. Two men died! Tom was afraid of losing you and the children. Losing his career and reputation, too.”
“I wouldn’t have left him over this, Mom.”
“This doesn’t haveanythingto do with you. That’s tough to wrap your head around. Tom not telling you was rooted in his own fear and shame. He probably couldn’t get out of his own way to realize it would be all right—challenging, but all right—if he opened up.”
“What about leaving the letter for me to find in the time capsule?”
“We can have theories about why he did that, but you’re going to have to find an answer you can live with.”
“You’re not going to share your thoughts?” Diana asks. “That’s out of character.”
“Ah, yes, The General always tells you what to do.” Vivian chuckles at Diana’s wide eyes and open mouth. “You’re surprised I figured out you and your sister call me The General behind my back? Give me some credit.”
“How did you do it?”
“To be an effective general, one must never reveal one’s intelligence sources. Let’s say it didn’t require a complicated military operation to figure out.”
They both laugh, and the sound is magnetic, propelling them across the room to one another. Vivian, only a few inches taller, wraps her arms around Diana. Diana relaxes against her mother, inhaling her rose perfume, grateful she’s been loved by this woman all her life.
“Your sister came up with the nickname, didn’t she?” Vivian asks when she releases Diana from their hug. “I can count on Andrea for the incisive remark.”
“It’s said with admiration. You’re efficient. Organized. You hold the family together. I couldn’t have made it through Tom’s illness, his death, or all these past months without him if you and Dad hadn’t been there.”
“It’s what we do for the people we love, sweetheart.”
“Of course, but Mom? It’s time for me to take care of myself, to not rely so much on you, Dad, and everyone else.” As she speaks, Diana feels a shift, as if a power long dormant has woken up.
A look comes over Vivian’s face, one Diana hasn’t seen in some time. It’s pride, as if she’s been waiting for Diana to arrive at this moment. “What will you do about this letter?”
“Find Jessica,” Diana says. “Thanks to my online sleuthing, I came across arrest records for her in New Hampshire and Massachusetts, plus a high school graduation listing and her parents’ address in Maine. I sent a letter to her at their house, in case she visits.”
“You’ve done so much to find her.”
