I glance at Mikey, who gives a beleaguered sigh but nods. “I can manage for a few minutes.”
“You can tell Applejack you’re a knight in shining armor,” I tell him.
I follow Jane to the hallway for what is apparently my second talking-to from an eight-year-old.
“He’s not much like a knight in shining armor, but that’s probably a good thing,” Jane says. “I bet they smell really bad. Uncle Logan told me people in medieval times never showered.”
“Is that what you brought me out here to tell me?” I ask, shutting the door.
She gives me a flat look that reminds me so much of her father it’s almost painful. “Obviously not, Holly. That would be stupid.”
Fair enough.
“What are your intentions toward my father?”
Well, okay then. I tell myself it’s irrational to be afraid of a kid, let alone a kid I really like, but…I can’t help but feel like I’m in the hot seat.
She must sense my panic, because she sighs and says, “I know you’re involved, Holly. I’m not a total idiot.”
“Never thought you were. Anyone who did would be severely underestimating you.”
“So?” she asks, tapping her little foot.
My heart beating fast in my chest, I say, “It’s not just up to me, Jane. It’s up to your dad too.”
“He’s definitely an idiot about this stuff. That’s why I’m asking you. Sometimes he needs other people to take care of him and do things for him, but it works much better if you do it without letting him know. He needs a lot of help, actually. Much more than he realizes.”
I bark a laugh. “I’m not so sure I’m much better.” Still, I don’t want to lie to her. No one was honest with me when I was a kid. No one ever sat me down for heart-to-hearts or asked for my opinion. I don’t want to make her feel like I don’t care about her opinion. “I like your dad a lot though, and I like you too. I’d like to spend more time with both of you. Are you cool with that?”
She studies me for a moment. “He needs someone to love him.”
Goddamn, this kid.
She looks up at me, her eyes full of that intensity that’s all Cole. “Will you love him, Holly?”
“People have to let you love them, Jane,” I say slowly. “I don’t know what’s going to happen yet.”
“But you do love him, don’t you? I can tell because of the way you look at him.”
So she went there. Moment of truth. My gaze skates down the tiled hallway before making it back to her, and I think of the boy I had a crush on—all puppy dog eyes and foppish hair and a rare, blinding smile—and then I think about the man I love. Stubborn and loyal. Loving and closed-off. Cole.
“Yes, Jane, but I don’t know what’s going to happen. I can’t tell you that.”
“Don’t worry,” she says officiously. “I’ll take care of it.”
Um…what?
“Jane, please don’t tell your dad what I said.”
She mimes zipping her lips. “Oh, he needs a much less direct approach. I won’t say anything.”
I’m not feeling altogether reassured. In fact, I think I really should have kept my fucking mouth shut, but I see Mikey miming “help me” through the window in the door, so I say, “Okay, then, that’s settled.” Truthfully, nothing has been settled, and I’m worried I’ve made a pretty crucial mistake, but I’m not sure what else to do, so I lead the way back to the classroom.
Once Jane’s back at her computer, and the kids are all busily creating the accessories they were assigned by the great big wheel of chance, I check my phone. There’s a message from Horacio, so I flinch and turn toward the window to respond.
Horacio:So I went. It was a mixed bag.
Me:Mixed bag in what way?
