I walk around a bit more, glancing at the abstract art, trying to figure out if the artists were just high. Maybe that’s what I should’ve done. I only hit my weed pen once in a while these days, but this seems like a good reason to take it out. I mean, maybe I’d understand the art a bit more if I was in the same mindset as the artists. Or at least on the same planet as them.
I’m not feeling much in this museum besides boredom, and despite the cold, it isn’t snowing, so I decide to grab my jacket from coat check and take a walk.
The city is great when it looks like this, except for the occasional tourist; people stay inside in this weather. I don’t mind the cold while I’m bundled up. My phone buzzes in my pocket, and I accept it through my touchscreen gloves.
“Carrie-Ann! How are you?” my sister, Janet says from the other end.
Ever since I missed Thanksgiving with no text or phone call I’ve received a phone call from at least one of my sisters every week. It was their way of checking in on me despite my attempts to tell them I am fine. As always, my mom was the only one who came to visit. She stayed with me for a few days after River and Aspen came over. I don’t know for sure, but I think River called her. It’s not like they are strangers; River and I went to high school together, but I was still a little embarrassed she had to call my mom on me.
“Carrie-Ann?” Janet prompts.
“Sorry, I’m here. I’m doing good, just taking a walk,” I say. “How are you? How’s the pregnancy going?”
Just as I expected, Janet announced her first pregnancy over Christmas with a little onesie for my parents.
“Ugh, I’m finally over the morning sickness, but it’s kicking my ass. I swear I’m huge, but Kyle swears I’m not. I’m glad you’re good, but a walk? In this weather?” She gasps.
“You know I like the cold.” I shrug even though she can’t see it.
“I know, just be careful. Anything else going on? It is New Year’s Eve after all,” she asks.
“Not really, it’s a chill night in. I might get some lo mein from the Chinese place near my apartment.”
“Oh.” She sounds disappointed.
“Are you doing anything tonight?” I put it back on her.
“No, but I’m growing a person. You should be living it up; who knows how many more of these you’ll get? When you settle down it’s crazy trying to get a night out.” She sighs.
I don’t know how to tell her that even if I do settle down with someone, I don’t plan on uprooting my life and moving to the suburbs.
So I just laugh nervously and lie, “Yeah, my friends are away for the holidays, so there isn’t too much going on.”
“Oh, I see…Are you doing okay? Really?” Her voice shifts as she asks.
“I am. I promise. Taking my meds, I’ve got my therapy down to twice a week now, and I’m feeling better,” I reassure her.
“Good. Good. I know it’s probably annoying with all of us asking, but we’re really worried about you.” She sighs.
“I know, I’m sorry.” I am unfortunately used to this. Too often, I apologize for things I don’t have control over.
I ask some questions about the pregnancy and then make an excuse to get off the phone. I’m not in the mood to dissect my mood with her, and I wanted to enjoy the walk.
But I wasn’t paying attention to where I was walking, which is how I’ve ended up in River and Aspen’s neighborhood.
I’m crossing the street just as Gus steps out of the bodega around the corner from River’s apartment. Gus stops short when they see me, their eyes widening, and Emily steps out behind them. She’s wearing a beanie, tucking away her recognizableblonde hair, and a hoodie under her jacket. I guess she’s trying to ditch the paparazzi.
“Hi,” Gus offers.
“Hi,” I say quietly.
“Are you going to River’s?” They look confused; I had RSVP’d no on everything and I clearly wasn’t dressed right for it.
“Uh, no, I was just taking a walk through the neighborhood,” I explain. “I’m sorry about everything—” I start.
Emily goes to cut me off but Gus puts their hand on her shoulder. She looks angrily at me but doesn’t say anything.
“I could make excuses but I won’t. I was using you to get back at Max, and I’m so sorry for that. You deserved so much better than that, and I definitely shouldn’t have kissed you when I knew you were with Emily. I’m sorry to you both.” I’m glad to finally have a chance to say my piece. I’d been holding on to that for far too long.
