Hewaited for Beau to lay into him, to tell him he wanted no part of the anger,but that’s not what came. For long, silent seconds, they stood there, Beaurestraining him while he fought to breathe.
“Iget it,” Beau whispered, his lips pressing softly against his ear. “I’m nothere to fight you though.”
“Yougetwhat?” Ethan snapped, twisting hard, but unable to escape Beau’suncompromising grip.
Beau’sgrip tightened on Ethan’s hands now clasped behind his back between them.
“Iget that you’re angry,” Beau said, his voice still smooth and steady,completely the opposite of the turmoil raging inside of Ethan.
“Howthe fuck can you be so calm? It doesn’t fucking bother you what they say? Thatone day they could be saying that about you? That you could be the one theytarget? You’ve never had the shit beaten out of you because you’re gay, haveyou?” Ethan was practically yelling the words, the anger intensifying the morehe spoke.
Hedidn’t give a shit that he was telling Beau things he swore he’d never tellanyone.
“Isthat what happened to you?” Beau asked, his body pressing intimately againsthim.
Ethansucked in air, tried to clear his brain, but he failed. His emotions werestrangling him to the point he thought he might choke to death from the weightof them.
“Talkto me, E.”
“Letme go.”
“Notgonna happen.”
Theknowledge that Beau wasn’t going to let up, he was there for the duration,prepared to endure Ethan’s anger, had something loosening in his chest. The airstill rushed in and out of his lungs, and his heart still pounded like ajackhammer in his chest, but the comfort came by way of Beau’s body againsthis.
Beaurested his forehead against the back of Ethan’s head and the gesture calmed himlike nothing else. When his hands loosened on Ethan’s wrists, he found himselfnot moving, not trying to get away. Instead, he linked his fingers with Beau’sand held on tight. This man was like an anchor, keeping him afloat in the dark,deadly waters that threatened to suck him under. He didn’t want to go under.Hell, he wanted to get out of the water forever, to walk in the sun, but thatdidn’t seem to be an option.
“I’msorry you had to be there for that,” Ethan said as they stood there in silence.
Beaustepped back, and the warm security of his body was ripped from him, making hishands shake, but before he could build up the anger again, Ethan was beingturned so that he faced Beau fully.
“I’mnot. I want to be with you,” Beau said. “Shut up,” he snapped when Ethanstarted to talk. “Let me finish.”
Ethanknew he looked shocked, but he couldn’t help it.
“Iwant to be with you. By your side. I don’t want us to have to hide, but Iunderstand. Doesn’t mean I agree with it, and it doesn’t mean I’ll do itforever, but for now, I’m here. With you. Only you.”
Ethanstared into mocha colored eyes that were so rich, so warm, he thought he mightlose himself in them for eternity.
“Youdon’t know what you’re asking for,” he said when it was clear Beau wasfinished.
“Iknow exactly what I’m asking for. Never doubt me, E,” Beau stated with a hardedge. “People often underestimate me. You shouldn’t.”
“Sowhat? You were willing to jump in there and get your ass handed to you just todefend me?”
“Trustme when I say, I won’t get my ass handed to me.”
Whydid the guy sound so sure of himself? It had happened to Ethan. Then again, ithad happened when he was just a kid. Young and stupid and unashamedly naïve.Not anymore. He’d managed to erect that steel wall around his heart to keepothers out and to keep himself locked in.
“Andwhen you decide to talk to me, just know I’m here to listen.”
Ethanstared back at Beau, all of the fight draining out of him completely. He didn’twant to talk. He didn’t want to argue. He just wanted… to feel.God, he justwanted to feel.
Abrief head nod was all he could muster. After recalling what Beau had said tohim earlier – Beau’s extremely graphic description of the things they’d donethe day before, Ethan was having a difficult time concentrating on anythingelse. And he welcomed the opportunity to forget everything that had justhappened at Moonshiners.
“Idon’t want to talk,” Ethan told him.
“Tellme what you do want then,” Beau said, moving in closer until they were alignedfrom knee to chest.
