Hefucking hated it. Hated that he had to hide, that he wasn’t free to live hislife or love who he wanted all because of the closed-minded assholes that livedin this town. If he were smart, he’d have left long ago.
Buthe couldn’t. Couldn’t bring himself to leave his parents or his brothers.That’s not what a Walker did. Even if it was in an effort to protect them.
Didthat make him selfish? That he cared more for his family than what they had toendure from the bigots who insisted on getting in their jabs?
Maybe.
Probably.
Heremembered watching Beau fall into step with his brothers to confront Jimmy’sdumbass comment. Torn between lust and fear, Ethan hadn’t been able to think ofanything other than protecting Beau. Making sure he didn’t come face to facewith the nastiness that was Jimmy Reardon.
Notto mention, he’d been hit right between the eyes with a bolt of lust sopowerful, he’d been surprised to find he wasn’t flat on the floor.
Theguy was hot as hell and when he moved in to defend Ethan – because Beauwould’ve been the only one other than Sawyer who could put two and two togetherto realize that Jimmy had been talking to him, simply because Ricky had beenpresent – he hadn’t known quite what to do or think.
Atfirst, fear had lit him up like a roman candle. He had worried that Sawyer wasgoing to let go of the rage he’d bottled up inside over the incident from yearsago. And yes, it was Ethan’s fault because he had begged his brother not to sayanything to anyone. And to this day, Ethan knew he hadn’t. Sawyer was loyallike that.
ButEthan had also worried about Beau. Worried that he was going to say somethingthat would have the assholes turning on him. Ethan would much rather take thebrunt of their hate than for Beau to have to experience even an ounce of it.But Beau hadn’t overreacted. He’d kept a lid on his anger although it waspalpable, right along with everyone else’s.
Andnow, as Ethan pushed open his front door, the heavy wood slamming against thewall behind it, he was full of rage. But more than that, he needed Beau. Wasanxious to see him again, to touch him, feel him, release all of the pent-upanxiety on him because he knew Beau could handle it. Anything to help himforget all of the memories that flooded him when he’d seen Jimmy. The sight ofGavin’s older brother brought back the horror of that night, but worse, itbrought back memories of what had happened after. The event that no one spokeabout.
Soyes, Ethan needed Beau. He needed the distraction. As it was, Ethan had givenhimself a pep talk, a very vivid reminder that what he and Beau shared wasnothing more than physical attraction and as happy as he’d been to see Beau atMoonshiners, he had to remember that they couldn’t do public outings.Especially not together.
Thiswas temporary. Lust induced. Only sex. Ethan was not falling for Beau. Didn’tmatter that he didn’t believe a fucking word he told himself. He didn’t have achoice. It was in everyone’s best interest if Ethan remained on the peripheryof everyone’s thoughts. Tonight was evidence of how crucial it was for Ethan toremember that.
Therewas no way he could give in to the other emotions that had made a prevalentappearance when Beau had barreled his way into his life. As much as he wantedto be that guy, he had to remember that the Jimmy Reardons and the RickyDillingers of the world were out in full force, and the last thing Ethan wantedto do was to drag his family’s good name, or Beau for that matter, through themud because of who he was.
Asit was, they already had to carry the weight of the resort and that lifestylethat his brothers had indulged in. Strange how people were more accepting ofthat than they were of him being gay.
Theknock on Ethan’s front door set off a hammer in his chest. His heart pounded,the fury trickling through his veins like it was being fed intravenously.
Hisstomach twisted, an all-out assault on his nervous system that made his handsshake, his chest hurt.
“Openthe door, E.” Beau’s deep voice slipped through the barrier of the door andpenetrated something deep inside of Ethan.
Despitethe personal demons he knew he would always face with the dawn of another day,Ethan wanted to shut out the world behind his front door and cherish the timehe had with Beau tonight. It was all he should be thinking about.
Openingthe door, he tried to appear cool and collected, a skill he’d honed over theyears, but he knew he hadn’t succeeded as soon as Beau’s golden eyebrowsfurrowed.
“Comein,” he grumbled, taking a step back so Beau could enter.
WhenBeau was inside, Ethan shut and locked the door before thrusting his hands intohis pockets to keep from grabbing the handsome man now standing in theentryway.Gotta play it cool, Walker.
“Youall right?” Beau asked as he dropped a duffel bag onto the floor at his feet, asuspicious gleam in his dark brown eyes.
Hetook a deep breath, let it out. Leaning back against the door, he let his headthump against the wood, but even that pain didn’t slow the slow boil from theanger.
“No,”he finally said, opening his eyes to peer at Beau. “I’m not fucking all right.I’ll never fucking be all right.”
Whatthe hell was wrong with him? This was Beau. He was supposed to be seducing him,getting him naked and ravishing him while he had the chance, but he couldn’tseem to get past the rage welling up inside of him.
Everythingseemed to be coming to a head. Between Blake’s comments last night, his owninsecurities over the way he feared Beau was handling him and now thealtercation tonight. He was losing the battle. His sanity was on the line, andone more misstep and Ethan feared he would totally lose it.
Pushingoff the door, he started past Beau but was pulled up short. Beau’s hand wasfirm, yet not painful, on his arm, but Ethan couldn’t contain his body’snatural reaction. Spinning around, he shoved Beau hard.
Fuck.What was wrong with him?
Beforehe could apologize, he found himself up against the wall, his cheek pressedagainst the sheetrock while Beau’s massive body crowded him from behind.
