Consideringall that they had shared so far, the only logical step would be to commit toone another unconditionally. More so than just in the physical sense. AlthoughGavin hadn’t out-and-out said he was looking for a relationship, Ethan got theimpression that the need for something more was mutual.
Atnineteen, Ethan had finally come to the full realization that he was gay. Nomatter how many times he’d tried to convince himself otherwise through theyears, the mere fact that he wasn’t attracted to girls and never had been madeit glaringly obvious. After trying to deny it to himself for the millionthtime, Ethan had finally accepted it.
Andwhen Gavin dropped into his life out of the blue, Ethan knew the man was heavensent.
Tohave found someone who made him want something more, something he’d neverwanted before, Ethan hadn’t been willing to let Gavin get too far away fromhim. And the last week had been the most unbelievable time of Ethan’s life.
Firstthere was the kiss that had rattled the ground beneath his feet and… And thenthe few times they’d made love, right there by the lake under the moonlight.After the first time, – Ethan’sveryfirst time – hehad known his heart had finally found what it was searching for.
“Wantto go down by the water?” Ethan asked as Gavin got closer.
Gavinglanced around, then back to Ethan. Was he trying to make sure no one would seethem? It was something Ethan always found himself doing. Not that he honestlycared who saw him with Gavin like this, but if something else were to happenagain tonight, he definitely wanted to ensure they were the only two there. Heliked the idea of having Gavin all to himself.
“Sure,”Gavin replied, moving ahead several feet.
Ethancould sense that something was wrong, so when they reached the edge of thewater and Gavin took a seat on one of the fallen tree stumps, Ethan decided toapproach things head on. “You ok?”
“Sure.Why?” Gavin asked, a note of tension in his voice.
“Youseem… nervous.”
Maybethat was it. Maybe Gavin was nervous to be around him. Lord knew that Ethan hadbeen overwhelmed by nerves to the point of nausea in recent days. With eachpassing minute that the two of them spent together, Ethan’s longing for thisman was coalescing into something so potent, he wasn’t sure he’d be able tosurvive all of the feelings he was beginning to have.
“Sit,”Gavin said, nodding his head toward the log across from him.
Ethanmomentarily glanced down at the spot directly beside Gavin but moved backwardinstead. He would prefer to sit close to him, to be able to feel the warmth ofhis arm, smell the scent of the cologne he’d been wearing more of these lastfew weeks. Maybe lean into him and steal another kiss.
“What’sup?” Ethan knew Gavin had something on his mind, but for the life of him he hadno idea what it was. Unless of course Gavin was trying to find a way to sharehow he was feeling. Ethan had been trying to come up with the words, or evenput them into actions for the last few days, but every time he thought he wasready to cross that line, he choked, unable to process any of his thoughts intoeither.
Gavinglanced around again and finally met Ethan’s gaze. His beautiful green eyeswere so bright, so clear, Ethan wondered if he could see right through theminto Gavin’s mind. If he could, he damn sure wished he could figure out whatthe guy was thinking.
“So,uh…” Gavin’s words died off and Ethan found himself waiting on pins and needlesto hear what he had to say.
Whenseveral minutes passed, Ethan knew he would have to be the one to do thetalking. After all, he usually was. “Is something wrong?”
“Yeah,actually, there is.”
“Andthat would be?” Ethan asked, smiling. He loved talking to Gavin, especiallywhen he seemed to be choked up on his own emotions.
Likeafter the first time, when Ethan had been lodged to the hilt inside of Gavin’ssweet body, he could’ve sworn Gavin had said the three words he’d been hopingto hear. But, afterward, when Ethan held Gavin close to him, he had started towonder if he’d dreamed it.
“Look,”Gavin began, staring down at this hands as he squeezed them together. “Whathappened…”
AgainGavin let the sentence drop and Ethan bit his bottom lip to keep from askingmore questions. Without saying anything, he chose to relocate himself to thespot beside Gavin, reaching for his hand as he did.
That’swhen Gavin jerked away, pushing to his feet and putting several steps betweenthem.
“Look,Ethan, I… I think you got the wrong idea about me.”
Ethanlifted a brow and stared back at him. “Is that right?”
Despitehis confusion, Ethan’s heart began to thump painfully hard in his chest. Hecould feel the letdown that was coming, knew Gavin was about to lie to him forwhatever reason, but for the life of him, he couldn’t stop it from happening.
“Ididn’t want to be with you… like that.”
Gavin’swords were like a karate chop to the throat, cutting off Ethan’s air. “Likewhat?” he asked, the words coming out as a raspy whisper.
“Youknow,” Gavin said quietly.
