“No,I don’t know. Tell me.” Ethan pushed to his feet, hating the way his chest feltas though it were caving in.
“I’mnot gay,” Gavin said, his words determined, his eyes finally meeting Ethan’sfor the first time since they’d made their way down to the water.
“You’renot gay?” So, yes, that was a stupid question, but Ethan asked it anyway.Surely his ears were playing tricks on him.
“No.”
“So,the times we made love –”
“Don’tcall it that!” Gavin exclaimed, his green eyes darkening.
“Whatwould you prefer I call it?” Ethan asked, his own anger gripping him by thethroat.
“Amistake.”
Ethanswallowed hard, an effort to keep his heart from trying to escape through histhroat. How could Gavin stand there and say that after what they had shared?
“Gavin,I know you’re scared. I am too,” Ethan said, taking a step closer, but stoppingas soon as Gavin took one step back.
“I’mnot scared. I don’t want this. I don’t want you. I’m not…” Gavin swallowed hardand glanced around again. “I didn’t want that to happen between us. Youshouldn’t have made me.”
Ethanstumbled back a step. If he thought he was short of breath before, now he wason the verge of suffocation.
“What?How can you say that?” Ethan asked defensively, trying to swallow past the ballof emotion that had lodged in his throat. “I didn’t make you do anything. Wemade love, Gavin.”
Ethanwatched as Gavin shook his head and then his eyes landed on something behindEthan.
Withoutthinking, he turned to see what it was, and that’s when Ethan’s world wasforever changed.
“Hey.”
Thevoice pulled Ethan from his memory, and he glanced over to see Braydon standingbeside him. A sigh of relief escaped because reality had found a way tointervene with the past. He rapidly chugged his beer, hoping Braydon didn’tstart asking questions and praying that his brother didn’t see that his handswere shaking.
“What’sup?” he asked as nonchalantly as he could muster, setting his empty beer bottleon the bar and signaling Mack for another.
“Justcheckin’ to make sure you’re all right.”
“Fine,why?” he asked, not bothering to look Braydon in the eyes.
“Noreason.”
Ethanknew his brothers had stopped questioning him in recent years. Sometimes hewished they would push him to talk because there were times when he feared hewould be overwhelmed by everything he managed to keep bottled up inside. But heknew they were better off not knowing Ethan’s deepest, darkest secrets. It wasin their best interest if he kept himself distanced, which he had become a proat.
“Wannaplay pool?”
Ethanlifted an eyebrow and looked up at Braydon’s face, still not looking him in theeye. “Do Ieverwant to play pool?”
Braydonhad the decency to laugh and then he clapped Ethan on the back before walkingaway.
Thatwas about the extent of his conversations with his brothers these days.Generally, Ethan managed to stay far away from them when they were in publicbecause it always seemed to be that Ethan drew the negative attention that hedidn’t want his family involved in. He knew without a doubt that his brotherswouldn’t stand for the shit that Ethan was put through from the bigots in theirsmall town, and that was the main reason he kept them at arm’s length, eventhough he knew it irritated the shit out of them.
Focusingon his beer, Ethan forced his thoughts to remain in the present. He didn’t needto relive the past, and he certainly didn’t need to get his hopes up aboutsomething that wasn’t going to happen.
Soit would be in his best interest if he focused on the only thing he knew…finding a way to be content with being alone.
Chapter Eight
??
