Chapter Twenty
Elijah looked back at Logan and decidedit was time for the hard truth.
“Trust me when I tell you, what I feel for Sam doesn’t include you. And if you honestly believe that Sam thinks about you when she and I are together, you’re wrong. Very, very wrong.” He let some of his frustration bleed into his tone. “Your name isn’t the one she cries out when I bring her to orgasm. Your name’s not the one she says when she whispers that she loves me. And she does love me, Logan. I know that with everything I am. And I love her. I love her the same way you do. With my heart and soul. I would die for her, and I never thought I would feel that for anyone but Beth. I’ve accepted it over the years. She’s the reason I’m here.”
Logan flinched, which was exactly the response he’d expected.
“But she’s not the only reason I stay,” he clarified, letting his tone even out. “I don’t know when things changed between us. I don’t know if it was that night at the cabin when I kissed you or if it was before that. But that night, I realized something was different.” He tapped his chest with two fingers. “Something in here. I can honestly say that if I’d been in that position with anyone else, I would’ve backed out. I didn’t have a buried desire to kiss a man, but when the opportunity to kiss you presented itself, I wasn’t appalled by the idea. I was intrigued. I wouldn’t have done it otherwise.”
When Logan didn’t have anything to contribute, Elijah continued.
“I was pissed that you left, but not because I didn’t understand why. I’ve got experience with this because I share something with Sam that she doesn’t share with you. What angered me was the fact that you hurt Sam. While you were off seeking answers, I was the one who listened as she cried herself to sleep. I was the one who watched as she stumbled through this past week with her heart in her eyes. She loves me, and I know that, but she’s not complete without you.”
“I know,” Logan said softly. “I screwed up.”
“The good news is, you can make it up to her.” Elijah tipped his beer to his lips, swallowed the rest, then set the bottle aside.
“But can I make it up toyou?”
Surprised by the question, Elijah frowned. “Do you want to?”
Logan didn’t respond.
Elijah sighed. He’d hoped by revealing this, Logan might understand that their situation truly was unique. What they had was complicated, more so now that the lines of the triangle were equilateral.
Elijah decided it was time to call it a night, feeling emotionally wrung out by what little conversation had taken place. He started to get to his feet but stopped when Logan said, “Please don’t go.”
It would be too easy to stay, Elijah realized. Too easy to get caught up in this riot of emotion that he could feel coming from Logan. The man was a mess; that much was obvious. However, now that he’d said his piece, it was up to Logan to figure out how they would proceed.
“When you figure out what you want, Logan, you know where to find us.”
With that, he got out of the pool, grabbed a towel on the way into the house. He wanted to sleep next to Sam tonight, but he considered going to the guest bedroom he’d slept in for so long. Just one night, he told himself. He could endure for one night in hopes of giving Logan the chance to go to her. Maybe then he could figure out what he truly wanted and how Elijah fit in.
He didn’t make it through the living room before he detoured back to their bedroom. Elijah didn’t mind playing the martyr when necessary, but he had no desire to hurt Sam any more than she already was. If he put distance between them now, she might take it as a slight, and he couldn’t allow that to happen.
As silently as he could, he slipped into the bedroom and decided to leave the rest up to Logan.
***
Logan remained in the pool after Elijahwent inside. He replayed everything Elijah said over and over again in his head. There was one thing he was hung up on, something he’d never really thought about before.
Trust me when I tell you, what I feel for Sam doesn’t include you. And if you honestly believe that Sam thinks about you when she and I are together, you’re wrong. Very, very wrong. Your name isn’t the one she cries out when I bring her to orgasm. Your name’s not the one she says when she whispers that she loves me.
He knew every single word Elijah said was true. Knew to the depths of his soul that Sam loved Elijah, and what they shared didn’t include him. He’d never thought it did.
Or had he?
No way he could’ve been screwed up enough to believe that, when they made love, Sam always thought about him. Why would she? If she did, that meant that when they were together, she was also thinking about Elijah, which he knew for a fact wasn’t the case.
Logan exhaled, dropped his head back, and stared up at the inky-black sky and the glitter of stars dusted across it.
***
“Where’s Logan?” Sam whispered when Elijah crawledinto bed behind her.
She settled against him, welcoming his warmth even as she worried that he’d left Logan alone. She’d heard the pain in her husband’s voice when they’d talked earlier, and since then, she’d been replaying every word, again and again, trying to make sense of it all to no avail. It had pained her not to go back out there, not to insist Logan talk to her, but she knew that they wouldn’t make any headway until Logan and Elijah figured out what they felt for one another.
“He’ll be here,” Elijah said, his tone soft and reassuring.
