“Don’t judge me,” I muttered, swiping a bit of mascara smudge from under my eye. “We’re going for ‘unbothered queen,’ today. I’m totally cool. I’ll hold my head high.”
Another buzz.
Noah:You sure? I’m right by your favorite place.
Of course he was. He’d memorized my coffee order back when we were nineteen and always brought me some when I had an off day. He’d always been such a goodfriend.That’s what we were. Great, special friends. We’d been friends for years, and he never made a move. Why would he now when he was famous? When he was making millions? And I was a complete and utter mess?
I stared at the screen, my heart doing that pathetic squeeze thing.
Me:Totally sure! Seriously, I’m good. See you later!
Sassy rolled onto her back, legs in the air, snorting as she mouthed a bunch of my blanket. My sweet, silly girl loved to mouth the fuzzy blanket. She stared at me with her wide brown eyes.
“What?” I asked. “Iamfine!”
Her tail flopped once. A pity flop.
I grabbed my bag, checking for the tenth time that my tablet and sketchbook were inside, and did a slow spin in the mirror. Navy blouse tucked into dark denim. Blazer sharp and blinged out. Winged eyeliner exhibiting Olympic stability.
Yes. This was fine.Iwas fine. Noah hadn’t hurt my feelings, and I couldn’t blame him for his choice.
Still, shame sat under my ribs like a hot stone. Every time I blinked, I heard myself from last night—Then why didn’t you text me after the Ferris wheel?
God. I needed that memory scrubbed from my brain with industrial-grade bleach.
Daniel: Give me your dog.
Penny: You can’t have one in dorms, idiot.
Daniel: Sassy loves me more though.
Penny: No??
Penny sent ten photos of her and Sassy spooning from when Penny visited me for a weekend.
Em: You’re both her godparents. Calm down.
Penny: yeah, but Danny there needs to stop talking shit.
Daniel: DANNY. Okay Pen Pen
I silenced my phone, snorting at their bickering. They might act like shitheads, but they loved each other.
I smoothed my hair, squared my shoulders, and headed to the kitchen to grab my water bottle. As I bent to fill it, a small plate on the counter caught my eye: a blueberry muffin wrapped neatly in a napkin with a sticky note on top.
Thought you might want this for later! Blueberry is your favorite!
—N
A breath punched out of me. Too soft to be a sob, too sharp to be normal. Sassy nosed my leg, like she somehow understood the way the note made my chest simultaneously ache and melt.
Ugh, he was too sweet. Noah was a sweetheart and kind and thoughtful andhot.God, why did I have to grow feelings for my friend? He was always large and handsome, but between the heat and want and muscles, he made me feel invincible. I totally got why he had a fan club. Noah Abbott was special, and I’d made our dynamic weird. I was messing our friendship up by creating scenarios in my head. He wasn’t into me. He wouldn’t be. We were friends.
I tucked the muffin into my bag, vowing to come up with a plan to fix this. I’d give some distance, let him forget about it, then I’d have a plan. I might not have a career or anyone in my life, but I always found a solution.
The drive to the stadium took twenty minutes and three pep talks.
Pep talk one happened at the first stoplight, where I reminded myself I was an adult woman who paid her own bills, not a teenager who blurted out feelings in the back row of AP stats.
