Taking a seat on the edge of the bed, she sighed heavily, and I watched her with a jealous sort of starvation pooling in my gut. My legs were tired and my feet were sore. I wanted to sit down too, to lie down and sleep. But I couldn’t, not here. It wasn’t safe here.
In the short time I’d been left alone, I’d learned every corner of this room, every nook and cranny, every scratch upon the walls, every stain upon the floor, all in the hope that I could find something to aid in my escape.
And while I searched, I’d been forced to listen to every sound that traveled through the thin walls. I hated listening, being privy to the vulgar acts that seemed to come from every inch of this place. But most of all I hated that I couldn’t stop myself from listening, that I couldn’t tune it out. In the space of an hour or so, the life inside this place, the familiarity I found even among the unfamiliar, it stripped my quiet away from me.
“Please?” the woman begged. “You need to get clean. You smell really bad.” She let out a small nervous laugh. “You’re covered in shit.”
I watched her, my eyes narrowing into angry slits as I breathed hard. My hands felt sweaty and slippery as they clenched and unclenched.
Her insults didn’t faze me. Maybe in another lifetime I would have been embarrassed, but in this moment, I was anything but. This clothing had kept me alive, and if anything, she should be ashamed for trying to strip me of my only defense.
“Dori will force you,” she said quietly. “You don’t really have a choice, you know?” She extended her arm, silently asking me to take her hand, but it was more than that. She was asking me to give up my fight.
I knew then I couldn’t trust her. She was as dumb as the rest of them, a sheep that would eventually be led to slaughter.
“Your bath is getting cold,” she said, gesturing toward the large metal basin. It looked like some sort of animal feeding trough, and the water inside looked about as clean as I was.
When I made no move to get up, she dropped her hand and sighed. “You can’t work like this. And if you don’t work, they won’t let you stay here.”
My eyes widened at her revelation. If they wouldn’t allow me to work, would they send me away? Was that a possibility?
“No,” she said, shaking her head. “You don’t understand.” Her voice dropped to a mere whisper, and her gaze darted to the door. “That’s not how it works. You’re a woman; they’ll never actually let you go.”
She swallowed thickly, an obvious lump in her throat. “If you’re not claimed, you don’t have a lot of job choices, and if you refuse to work, they’ll put you in the pits. You’ll have to fight, or worse, you’ll end up as evening entertainment at the Drunk Tank.”
She brought her hand up to her throat, her eyes wide and unfocused as if remembering something terrifying. “They’ll turn you,” she whispered, “lock you up in a cage. And you’ll live that way forever.”
I blinked repeatedly, unable to fully comprehend what she was saying to me.They would what?I’d known they were bad here, but I’d never realized the extent of it. Had people really become so evil and monstrous?
As I stared at her, the abject horror I was feeling began to sink in. The fact that I was here, really here among these monsters, hit me hard, like a stinging slap to my face.
“It’s not all bad,” she continued, and cleared her throat. “Every now and then we get the rough ones, but most of the men here are just grateful for some company, for the pleasure that only a woman can give them. In return, they take care of us, give us extra rations and gifts, and sometimes even claim one of us as their own.”
She held up her wrist, showing me a small tattoo there that I couldn’t quite make out. Whatever picture had once been there had been covered with a thick blackX. As she smiled, her eyes took on a faraway look. “He died, though. And I had to come back here.”
Stunned by her revelations, I watched her, half mesmerized.
“I wouldn’t survive out there. I’m not strong enough. But you, you’re strong, you survived out there in the wild, and this place ...” She laughed sadly. “This place is nothing compared to that. If you can survive out there, you’ll be fine in here. I promise you.”
We stared at each other, long moments passing as silence descended on the room.
Finally, I understood. I understood everything. I had been so out of touch with the rest of the world, and with people, that I hadn’t put two and two together. They hadn’t brought me here to work; they’d brought me here to rape me. And if I didn’t consent to my own rape, they would use me for some other form of despicable entertainment.
Worse, this woman honestly believed what she was saying to me. The people who ran this place, whoever they were, had brainwashed the rest of them, had them thinking that caging themselves in was a better way to live. They had the women programmed to believe that their bodies were a true measure of their worth, and that without men to protect them, they would be left for dead.
Fear, much worse than before, snaked around my spine, winding its cold way upward until it grasped my throat in a cruel grip. Suddenly, I could hardly breathe.
This couldn’t be happening to me. Not after all I had survived, everything I’d lived through, this couldn’t be how I would end up.This couldn’t happen.
Shaking now, full-bodied trembling from the cold fear that had taken root inside me, I began to growl, softly at first, so softly that the woman hadn’t yet heard me. Still staring down at her wrist, she was lost in her memories as her eyes glistened.
My growling grew louder, more fierce, emboldened by her and all she embodied, all that was wrong with this place and the people here. She finally heard me and glanced up, her eyes wide as panic flashed across her features.
“Please,” she said, hurriedly jumping to her feet. “Please calm down. We’ll both be in trouble if you don’t, and I really can’t get in any more trouble this week.”
She moved toward the door, her steps careful and cautious. Panicked, I watched her, waiting for the moment it would be open. When it was, I would attack and I would run. I would do whatever I must to get free of this place. I was solely focused on my escape, because Iwouldbe escaping, either with my life or without it.
Horror welled inside me, more stifling than before. I couldn’t breathe at all because my chest was uncomfortably tight, my breaths leaving me in ragged gasps. Oh God, I couldn’t be here, I couldn’t be here ...
