No, God, no, no, no.They couldn’t touch me; I wouldn’t let them. I couldn’t be touched. I just couldn’t. Not like that. Not even a little.
“Just calm down,” the woman whispered. “We’ll get you cleaned up and looking pretty again. I bet you’re real pretty under all that—”
I shrieked at the top of my lungs, and then I launched myself across the room. My fists met with skin and I slapped and clawed, screaming and screaming until her screams and mine had become one.
Something cracked against the back of my head and pain radiated throughout my skull, through my neck and back. My vision swam, spots dancing in every direction as I fell limp.
“You stupid fucking bitch!”
“Told you she was a crazy one.”
I couldn’t see, couldn’t move, could barely focus on what was going on around me. Voices and footsteps surrounded me, all muffled, muted and indistinguishable. I was shoved forward, landing face-first onto something somewhat soft—not a floor, maybe a bed. My head throbbed painfully, and sharp sensations continued to shoot up and down my back.
“Get out of my way,” a soft and yet hard voice demanded, and despite my disorientation, I could make out the rickety clacking of wheels gliding over the floor.
“Look at me,” the voice continued, now nearer.
Despite my pain and confusion, I forced my head to lift. Blurrily I blinked until the angry face of the woman in the wheelchair grew clear, as did the gun she was pointing at me.
“One move,” she said, “and I will shoot you.”
A half growl, half scream tore its way from my throat, daring the woman to shoot.
“Calm the fuck down!” a man yelled. Standing behind Dori, his eyes wide in disbelief, he shook his head. He too had a gun aimed at me.
I didn’t care. I didn’t care about their guns or what they thought of me. I didn’t care that I disgusted them. I didn’t care if they hated me. I didn’t care if they killed me. I didn’t care ...
I screamed again, another growling, garbled explosion that expelled violently from me.
“Will you just shut the hell up?” Dori shook her weapon at me. “Just stop screaming, or I won’t shoot to kill! I’ll shoot you in the legs and have you thrown outside the gates!”
I’d done a good job at protecting myself so far, a decent job at treating any minor injuries I’d had, but a gunshot wound to the leg? The blood would attract the biters. They’d come for me and my biggest fear would be realized—being eaten alive, or worse, turning into one of them.
I squeezed my eyes shut and sagged pitifully onto the mattress. As my head fell forward, all my strength gone, so did my will. Frustrated, I sobbed loudly, and then I started to cry.
Hot and salty, the tears streamed down my cheeks. Even though my eyes were shut, I could feel the room around me, feel the walls close in and the air grow thick.
Curling in on myself, I whimpered as I clung to the bedding, holding tightly to it as the world around me shrank and spun and faded away. Yes,yes. That’s what I wanted. To make it all go away. To fall off the edge and into oblivion forever. To never have to think about the biters, to never have to worry about these bad people, to never have to go hungry or thirsty again.
Yes, I wanted to fall off that edge; I didn’t want to be here anymore. I hatedhere. I hatedthere. I hated everything and everyone, and I just wanted to go.
“She belongs in the pits.” Dori’s voice floated past my ears, sounding far away and disjointed. “No one is going to touch her. She’s worth nothing to me.”
Worth nothing. I’m worth nothing ...
“No one is going to fight her,” a male voice replied.
“I don’t care,” Dori snapped. “She can’t stay here. Look at her, there’s nothing left. She’s out of her fucking mind.”
Nothing left ... Out of my mind ...
“Someone should just put her out of her misery,” another man said. “String her up in the Drunk Tank. At least she’d be useful there.”
Yes, put me out of my misery.I couldn’t stay here; I wouldn’t stay here. I wouldn’t. I couldn’t.
Dori was right. I had nothing left. I was nothing, and I wanted to go. I wanted the blackness, wanted oblivion.
Chapter Five
