Chapter Forty-Five
Fallon
Air.
I need air.
Being stuck in the private room with a couple I almost destroyed was suffocating. The rational side of me knows Geoff is doing okay, but the other side, the irrational side, knows it is all my fault. This beautiful family that has accepted me with open arms almost had their world ripped away from them. All. Because. Of me.
I am the poison that spreads into everyone around me. I am the common denominator. I should have known it wouldn’t be so easy. I need to find Layla. I need that bastard to be locked up with the key thrown away. I need… I don’t even know what I need other than some air.
My chest is tight, and I start to gasp. Why can't I fucking breathe? I have had this feeling before, haven’t I? Am I dying? Reaching my handsto my neck, I start to rub hard, hoping, praying, that I can get some oxygen inside of me. I don’t know how much time has passed, minutes? Seconds? But someone else's hand comes up to join mine, pulling them away from me.
“Look at me,” the voice says, but my eyes are too cloudy to see what is in front of me. “Fallon, it’s Maymay. I need you to look at me. Good. Now, deep breath in, hold it. Five, four, three, two, one. Release.”
She does this with me another six times before I can finally focus.
“Good, you did so well. What do you need?” Her eyes bounce between mine.
All I can do is stare ahead. I don’t know. I don’t know how to answer. I think I need Luke, but that is too selfish. His family need him more.
“Come on, babes,” she says after a beat, linking her arm through mine.
I don’t agree or say anything at all. I just follow, letting her guide me inside of Tommys idling car. She sits in the back next to me, locking my hand with hers. I don’t even feel us moving, I don’t notice the streets passing us by, it’s only when we pull up to her cabin that I realise we even left.
I wander inside, sitting down on the couch. Her couch has always been my favourite place to be. I take my own blanket from the pile and wrap myself up like a small child. I can hear the kettle boiling, as well as Maya and Tommymuttering in the kitchen, but I’m not bothered enough to notice what they’re saying.
They both come in a few minutes later, one of them placing a steaming cup of tea in front of me. When I finally look up, they're both sitting on the edge of their seats, mugs in hand, watching me.
“We need to talk, sis,” Tommy says in the calmest voice I have ever heard from him.
I nod my head a little, because we do, it's just that I don’t particularly want to.
“Luke…”
“No!” I bark out, and he physically jerks back.
I will talk about anything, but not him, not now. Even just hearing his name makes my heart spasm in my chest. My beautiful, kind Luke. But he was never really mine. I had no right to want him to be.
“He won't stay away, you know that, don’t you?” Maya adds, her voice just above a whisper.
My shoulders droop. I do know that, and that’s the problem. If he comes here, my selfish arse will give in, and he deserves so much more.
“He loves you,” Maya says. “And I know damn well that you love him just as much.”
I lean forward and pick up my tea, drinking the piping hot liquid mainly to give me an excuse not to answer. I love him more than anything, more than I ever thought I could.
“Do we know any more about Layla?” I askTommy. “Maybe we could ask Jenson? He would be able to find her, wouldn’t he?”
“Luke already did. He’s tracking her down as we speak.”
“He did? When?” I blurt out.
“When you went into the hospital, that’s why we were all there waiting for you. He asked for us all to be there, for you.”
“For me? It was Luke who needed someone, not me.”
“From the way you just nearly passed out, I beg to differ,” Tommy says with a raised brow.
