A growl had my head lifting, a smile curving my lips. “I just mean that I’ve never felt like this,Roan. I don’t know if I’m capable of giving you what you deserve in return. I’m not sure I knowhowto—to love in this capacity. In a relationship, if that’s what you’re seeking.”
“And you think I do?”
At my look his body shook with a small laugh. “Syra, I’ve been theKinslayersince I was twelve years old. Not exactly the greatest reputation for romantic pursuits, is it? Have I lain with women before, yes? Those that wished for a night with the notorious pet of the king. Have I loved or been loved? No. Nor have I wanted to, until now.Until you.”
My breath caught as his hand brushed my cheek. “We can take it as slow as you would like to, but can’t we at leasttry?”
My teeth caught my lip before I released a low sigh. Iwantedto try, that much I knew. Yet I was terrified.
Terrified of the secrets I kept from him, terrified of what awaited us back in Amori City.
Completely and utterly terrified that if I gave into the feelings that I had for him, there would be no return. That I would fall deeply andirrevocably in love with him and that it would eventually leave me shattered. A risk. As everything in life was.
But what exactly was life without any element of risk? What treasures could I reap if I leapt over the ledge just this once?
“You can come in.” My soft reply had a grin warming his handsome face, so bright it felt earth shattering. It left me stunned as I stumbled over the next words. “But I—I truly need to work, so you haveto behave. Keep your hands and your flowery words to yourself, okay?”
His disbelieving laugh rumbled against my back as I turned to unlock the door. “Flowerywords? You truly know how to flatter a man.”
“I’m serious, Roan.” I spoke, even as I fought against the smile that threatened to form. “Absolutely no distractions. I need to get these potions done.”
“I swear, I will make no attempts at distracting you.” His words were thinly veiled with a feigned solemnity as I moved to my makeshift work station. “Though if I recall, you once claimed my mere presence was a distraction in itself, so I can’t be held liable.”
My look was scathing as he laid upon the bed and stretched out, eyes hooded as he watched me. “Your ego is immeasurable.”
“I think it’s one of my many adoring traits.”
My laugh came unbidden as I discarded the crushed goddess flower I’d been working with earlier in the day into a little pouch. Instead reaching for the frostberries to begin peeling the skin from the meat of the fruit. They were small, no larger than a silver coin. It was tedious work that always left my fingertips stained blue, but it helped clear my mind. A rhythm and routine to the action.
Some time passed before I felt him approach from behind, his arms circling my waist as his chin rested upon my shoulder, watching my work.
“Can I help?”
Head turning, my brow rose slightly. “You want to help peel these?”
“Put me to work, little menace.” His thumb circled upon my stomach. “My hands and time are yours.”
I flushed and reached for the bowl as his warmth left me, as he instead leaned against the desk and grabbed one of the berries. His lips pursed, brows bunching in concentration as he tried to follow my actions. Unsurprisingly, it didn’t take long for him to pick up the trick. There didn’t seem to be much that Roan couldn’tdo.
Late into the night we worked and he stayed true to his word. He didn’t try anything, only showed a keen curiosity for potion making. He asked a constant stream of questions as we worked, as though he truly wished to understand what it was that I did. By the time the endurance potions were finished and we laid across the bed, the warming potions nearly done, our exhaustion was heavy in the air.
He didn’t make to leave, nor did I want him to as his arm pulled me into his side. He made no move to kiss me, nor did his hand wander from where it traced patterns on my shoulder. His breathing remained even and slow as he held me, as though he were at peace. Almost like he was lavishing in the small intimate moment. His heartbeat beneath my ear lulled me into a peaceful, dreamless sleep.
Chapter Thirty Seven
Sunlight filtered through the behemoth trees that towered high above, making the snow drifts sparkle like a million glittering diamonds laid out before us. A winter wonderland, though even with the sun high in the sky, the cold was bitter and biting.
Our horses seemed untroubled as they traversed the deep snow, heads taller than even Roan. With thick shaggy coats, they appeared completely unperturbed by freezing temperatures—they were bred specifically for the wild winters of the north.
The same could not be said, however, for our group. Even layered thoroughly, the chill bit beneath our clothes and had my very bones shaking in my skin. It had been four hours since we drank the warming potions Roan and I had brewed. A concoction of ginger and flameroot, both helpful in heating a person from the inside. Though the true warming property of the potion came from the liquid being tempered by Goddess-blessed flame, which Kairen had done before we all drank. It would be two more hours before we could take the next batch without risk of melting our organs, unfortunately.
“I’m not sure what’s worse,” Bran groaned from where he rode a few feet ahead. “The heat of the desert or the cold of the north.”
“I would say they’re equally awful,” Rena hissed around chattering teeth. “Though the ship was miles more horrid. Thank the Goddess we’re back on solid land.”
My laugh echoed in the quiet of the woods. “I rather liked the ship,” I mused, eyes narrowing for a moment. “Except when two of you happened to go overboard.”
“I’ll never hear the end of it, I’m sure,” Roan teased, eyes rolling with a playfulness that had me grinning.
