“I don’t even know whereto begin, I have no starting point or information,” I said as my spoon dug into the stew, my appetite vanishing. We were so exhausted and soon we’d need to set off into the freezing forests to begin travel to the next town. We were losing hope, slowly but surely.
I felt a hand brush my knee and instantly knew it was Roan, though his eyes never looked my way. His fingers traced a comforting pattern over my knee and I almostfelt guilty for banning him from my room for the last two days. I needed to focus and think,yet when he was around the only thing my mind could conjure was the feel of his lips against my skin, the touch of his hands on my body.
Even now, my skin warmed and my body tingled with the stark awarenessof his touch, his attention.
The sensation, the feelings that came with being around Roan Delmar were utterly new. Nearly overwhelming and I didn’t have time to processthis new direction we were venturing into with all my focus having to be on finding a cure. I didn’t yet know what to make of him orus.
Was there an us? Did he want there to be? Did I?
“Syra,” Bran’s hand was in my face, waving as his nose wrinkled, “are you good?”
“I’m fine,” I muttered, shoving another spoonful of stew into my mouth. “Just frustrated at the lack of progress we’ve made.”
Kairen glanced sidelong at me, brow raising. “As I was saying, we need to get our supplies tomorrow, we’re leaving as soon as dawn breaks the day after. I’ve already secured horses for the travel, and we need more of those endurance potions and possibly something to help keep us warm.”
I nodded. “Yes, I can brew something tonight.”
His nod was curt, lacking the usual charm he exuded. I knew he was stressed, could see it in the tight lines of his face and the dark rings that circled his eyes. He wasexhausted. Though part of me still couldn’t get over our conversation, the accusation in his tone. As though he knew there was something I desperately wanted to keep hidden. It kept the anxiety simmering within me, a constant stewing that felt like it was on the constant edge of boiling over. A paranoia that kept sleep at bay and it didn’t help that I couldn’t release the cursed magic that choked me from within. I desperately neededto expend even the slightest bit of magic, but had nowhere safe to release it.
“Want to head back?” Roan’s voice was low, his worried eyes tracing over my face. Swallowing thickly, I nodded.
We bid our farewells and entered the snow covered streets of Halsrad. He stopped me for only a moment, pulling the thick wool hood of my cloak over my head before he ushered me up the street to the Inn that awaited us.
“Am I allowed back in your room, little menace?”
The almost sullen tone of the question had me biting back a smile as we entered the main floor.
“Will you behave?”
A scoff had me glancing over my shoulder as we took the curved staircase to my room, my focus immediately finding the infuriating smirk that settled on his lips.
“Depends on your definition ofbehaving, I suppose.”
My hummed response was cut short with a gasp as we reached my door, his light grip around my arm spinning me and pressing my back to the cool wood.
Amusement lit his gaze as he traced the shock I was sure settled into my features, his thumb brushing my parted lips.
“I’m growing weary of your avoidance, Syra.” His voice was a low murmur, a vulnerability that contrasted so sharply with our current situation softening his features. “Do you have regrets?”
“No, I’m—” My voice was soft as I brushed a hand against the rough stubble of his chin, hesitating. “Confused. I haven’t had any time to think.This quest is taking all my allotted brain power and I don't know where what happened aboard the ship leaves us. What it means or what Iwantit to mean.”
His brow rose, lips pulling into an amused frown. “Can it simply be just that? A kiss, a moment shared between two people? You were the one who said we should live in the moment, right?”
"And the feelings that tie into it, Captain? What of those?”
He hummed thoughtfully, fingertips slipping beneath the wool shirt to trace the bare skin of my waist.
“I have no expectations of you, little menace,” he said, his eyes trailing over my lips before flicking back to meet my eyes. “You know my feelings, I haven’t been shy in expressing them. Whether you’re ready to acceptthem or simply use the advantage you have over me is entirely up to you. I’m completely at your mercy and will be fiendishly happy with whatever choice you wish to make.”
“Roan—”
His head shook, “Love me, use me, ruin me. I don’t care as long as you have me.”
“I don’t know what itmeansto have someone.”
He pulled back slightly, brow raising. “Are you—”
Cheeks flushing, I groaned as I buried my head into my hands. “Goddess,no! Not like that, of course. You know I’ve had a past with McCay and there’s been others—”
