Pausing to look at the brutally genuine expression painted on her face, I can’t help but breathe, “You don’t know that.”
“I think I do,” she assures, her voice still gentle but with a sternness in there I didn’t expect. She sits up a little more, but not enough to compromise our position, and asks, “Do you know what abusive men don’t do?”
I blink at her.
“They don’t spend months keeping the woman they like at a distance, afraid they’ll become a monster like their dad. They don’t hold things in and lock their past away, barely sharing anything with the woman they like, because they’re afraid the actions of a fucked-up man will push her away. Abusive men don’t worry about hurting the woman they love, Rayne,” she tells me earnestly, and something painful twists in my chest.
Maddie leans down until she rests her forehead against mine, her voice lowering until it’s only a decibel above a whisper, and says, “You’re soft with me. You’re gentle. You worry, you keep me at a distance, and you never once make me feel like I’dever be in danger with you. There is absolutely nothing about your past or what you came from that could ever make me want you less. I promise you that.”
My breath catches. “Mads…”
“I’m serious,” she assures, sinking her hand into my hair and scratching at my scalp. “I’m here to stay, Rayne Cloud. Hell, you could have told me you robbed a bank and I would have asked if you wore something cool while doing it and asked you to take me along with you next time.”
A startled laugh punches its way out of my chest, a little worn around the edges and slightly broken, but Maddie doesn’t seem to care. She smiles like she just won a prize, and it kind of feels like she might have done just that.
But I feel like I won a whole lot more when she declares, “You’re stuck with me now. I’m not going anywhere. I’m going to be the barnacle on your ass you can’t get rid of.”
“Why did that sound vaguely threatening?” I murmur, feeling the lightest I have in a very long time.
“Vaguely? There’s no ‘vaguely’ about it, babe. It’s a full-blown threat,” she tells me with no small amount of pride, and I shake my head softly against the couch cushion, completely gone for this woman in ways that genuinely terrify me.
With a sweet smile on her face, Maddie studies me quietly for another second before she leans in and kisses me slowly, like she’s trying to replace very shitty memories with newer, better ones. My hands instinctively wrap around her waist, pulling her closer until she melts against me with a soft sigh.
Against my lips, she murmurs, “You know, you’re awfully cuddly for a broody, mysterious man with a dark past and a bright future.”
Groaning against her lips, another chuckle slipping free, I kiss her harder to shut her up before I regret telling heranything. She reacts with the same energy, kissing me back harder, and for the first time ever, I feel a bone-deep sense of peace I never thought I’d get to feel.
Chapter Forty-Six
Maddie
For the next week and a half, I’m floating on cloud nine. I’m in a delirious state of giddiness, constantly smiling and grossing out my best friends through every FaceTime I’m forced into. According to them, they’ve never seen me quite so lovesick and folded for one guy, let alone four, each of them more than supportive of my new relationship.
In fact, each of them has agreed that it takes more than one man to handle the chaos I bring to one’s life, and I couldn’t agree more. My brand of crazy is a lot, but with every day I spend with Baxter, Rayne, Ryan, and Caiden, I’m learning that it isn’t all that bad. They seem to enjoy every second, never once throwing out a complaint or suggesting I tone it down, and it’s forcing me to realize the shit Toby implanted in my mind doesn’t hold as much truth as I used to believe.
“So, when are you going to tell Mom and Dad?” Ashton pushes from her little square on my cell, fiddling with her design pen as she stares at me through the phone.
I shrug, spreading butter over my perfectly toasted slice of bread, taking my time getting ready this morning since Baxter woke me early enough for us to enjoy one another’s company for an hour, leaving me with plenty of time to get ready for work and time to spare.
The reminder of my morning makes me shiver as I reminisce over Bax’s beard scraping along the skin of my thighs, of how his hair felt between my fingers as he ate me out like a man starved, and how he bent me over and fucked me until my voice grew hoarse and I collapsed in a sweaty heap beneath him,only following me over the edge after he wrung four orgasms out of my exhausted body.
“Oh, God. She’s got that look on her face again. Someone stop it,” Zelda groans from her own square on my screen, and I roll my eyes at the bitch, drawing out a laugh from all of them.
“Whatever. Just you guys wait until you end up in an unconventional relationship with men who know how to treat you and wreck your body in the best way possible,” I volley, and each of them makes sounds of protest and denial, sure it won’t happen to them. I shake my head and mutter, “Never say never, ladies.”
“Never,” Ashton bluntly replies, grinning when I flip her off. “Back to my question. When will Sasha and Nikolai finally learn their little girl is getting railed to kingdom come by four guys every night?”
I pause, blinking at my cell before nodding slowly. “That’s one way to phrase it. How do you think they’ll take it?”
“Probably with a celebratory bottle of wine or something,” Zelda snickers, knowing my parents well enough that we’re already aware of how chill they’re going to be when they learn I have four new men in my life.
Snickering, I nod in agreement. “They’d throw a party, for sure. Make sure you get your outfits pre-planned.”
“What do you think the theme would be?” Henley wonders, dropping her chin into her hand as though she’s actually pondering the question.
As though we’re sharing the same brain cell, AJ, Zelda, and I blurt at the same time, “Dick-themed.”
Laughing, AJ notes, “I wouldn’t put it past Sasha to host a dick-themed party to celebrate her only daughter falling into a relationship with four different guys. I’m thinking bachelorette-style. Dick straws, dick confetti, dick-shaped balloons. I feel like we should make that happen.”
