Toni showed up soon after, and after she ran the hug gauntlet, we all settled at the table, waiting for Annie and Val to join us from the kitchen.
“We’re cool, right?”Toni asked as she slid into the chair on the other side of Diego.
“We’re cool,” I assured her.
Slightly muffled, Kacey yelled from the living room, “Can someone get me water?”
Kelly stood up, grinding her teeth.
“The fuck is this music?”Toni eyed the Bluetooth speaker on the sideboard.
“The boy band channel, apparently,” Diego commented.
By the time everyone was settled, the lasagna and salad were on the table and Kacey had her damn water, I was already pretty damn amused at the whole family vibe.But then Val Marsh moved to stand at the head of the table and gestured for everyone else to join him.
Diego shot me a nervous look, mouthing “Jesus Christ” silently.But we all obeyed, chairs squeaking beneath us.The music went quiet as the song shifted, and Val took a deep breath, face solemn.“Just wanted to say a quick—”
“Everyboooooddaaaaaayyyyyyyyy,” sang the next boyband on whatever godforsaken playlist they’d chosen.Loud.
I bit down on my bottom lip.Hard.
“Rock your boooooootyyyyyyyyy.”
Toni snorted, covering it with a cough and a hand over her mouth.
“A quick prayer of thanks for our family.So if you’d all bow your heads—”
“Everyboooooddaaaaaayyyyyyyyeah…”
“Father,” Val plowed ahead, raising his voice in an attempt to drown out the absolute boy band banger pouring through the speaker.“Thank you for our—”
“Rock your booootayyyy all night!”
“—family.For this chance to come together for good food, to celebrate Diego’s birthday, and to be grateful for—”
“Bangin’ boys back – all right!”
I couldn’t help it anymore.I glanced at Diego.He was already looking at me, his mouth pressed into a pale line, his cheeks puffed out with silent laughter.
“—for the health and happiness of all our—”
Kacey coughed again.Loudly and extensively.
Diego, Toni, and Kelly lost it at the exact same moment.Tom and I followed, and then even Annie couldn’t help herself.Along with the music, Diego sang dramatically, “Oh my godddd, we’re back agaaaaain!”
It was so fucking bratty, so very like the hilarious boy I’d fallen for back in school, making fun of a bigger, badder kid and making it look easy.I experienced the most overwhelming urge to grab Diego, put him against the nearest wall, tell him he was the best, and kiss him until he believed it.Family audience or not.
Val sighed.“Alexa.Turn off the music.”
Protests broke out all over the table.
Val just shook his head and sat down, utterly defeated.“Amen.Bunch of Heathens.”
From that point on, dinner was an absolute riot.Toni and Diego accused each other of being obsessed with British boy bands, Kelly fought for K-Pop superiority, and Annie sat at the foot of the table looking at us all with the kind of deep satisfaction only a mother who’s truly accepted the weirdness of her own family can really exhibit.
***
“Your family’s great,” I told Diego on the way back to my place.
