The Uber driver cleared her throat, as if to politely remind us she was still there.
We were quiet the rest of the way to my place.Then I walked him to his car and grabbed his hand before he slipped into it.I looked into his face, took a deep breath, and said, “Tell me we’re okay.”
He nodded.“We’re okay.I’m just—I’m just thinking, is all.But if this is really about power, no one has any here.Just you and me, okay?”
I nodded too but felt only minimal relief.“And not Toni.”
“She’s a good friend.I’m glad you have her,” he said with painful earnestness.
“I’m gonna rip her a new shithole,” I promised.
“Don’t.”He leaned down and kissed me, his mouth hot and soft and yielding.
I slid a hand into his hair and slipped my tongue past his lips.He let me in, held me in spite of how hot and sweaty we were from the day, how thirsty we were from two drinks each at a melting festival.
When the kiss closed off, he asked, “You good?”
“Sweetheart.”I bumped my forehead against his.Toni was supposed to come over tonight, but… “Sure you can’t stay?”
“Talk to her,” he said, then pecked me on the lips again.“She loves you, and I can’t fault her for that.”
And he left me on the curb as I blinked back tears, wondering once more if he knew just how fucking close he’d come to saying it.
***
That night, Toni brought me Thai food as a peace offering, and I sat her down and said, “Don’t talk.Just listen.Okay?”
She raised an eyebrow but nodded.
As we ate through a Penang curry, I told her about how hard I’d worked to make sure Taran didn’t feel like he had anything to prove to me.I told her about our conversation where I took my share of the blame for the past, and how we’d agreed to move forward together.I laid it all out, bit by bit, and then finished with, “So you see why I’m not just mad at you for being a dick to him.I’m mad at you because you actively undid a bunch of shit we worked really hard for.”
She sighed.“Can I talk?”
“If you must.”
“Gee, thanks.”She snorted.“That’s all great.I’m really glad you guys talked about it like adults.I’m really glad you’re both in a good place with your past.”
“And we’re the only two that matter,” I reminded her.“You’re clearly not okay with our past, but that’s a you problem.”
“Fine.”She didn’t look convinced, though.“But why did you take my advice about the boyfriend thing?”
I frowned.“Because you’re my friend and I know you have my best interest at heart.Even when you don’t know what the fuck you’re talking about.”
“So,notbecause you like the idea of holding onto a little bit of power while you still can?”
I closed my eyes.Fuck.
“Like, did you do the thing where you’re really bossy in bed at first?”
Fuck.
“Exactly,” She went on.“So, correct me if I’m wrong, but youdidagree it was a good idea to take it slow with the labeling.And there’s literallynoother reason to withhold a title like that unless it’s a power play.”
“It’ssymbolic,” I corrected.“It—it’d mean I wasn’t even trying to fight my slide into obsession.Again.”
“Right.It’d mean you were holding onto your power.”
I winced.“It’s not black and white like that.It’s not ruthless or conniving.I’m not fucking playing mind games.I’m justscared.”
