“Easier in that it let you pretend you didn’t care?”
Fuck, just eviscerating me over cocktails here.“I mean, I might’ve been trying for that, but it sure as hell didn’t work.”
He leaned forward suddenly, reaching across the table.
I took his hand.
He squeezed.“I know.I’m just trying to figure out what’s going on in your head.I’m not mad or sad about it anymore.I swear.”
I nodded and tried to smile.
He kept my hand in his.“You think that was the first time you just disengaged from something hard, like that?”
I blew out a sigh.“Nothing was ever hard before, honestly.”
He chuckled, eyes twinkling.“Yeah, sounds right.At least, you made everythinglookeasy.”
I couldn’t lie, “It was.Everything was easy, and no one asked me to do anything I didn’t want.Not great training for the real world.”
“No, but definitely what most people would call an ideal, privileged childhood.”
“Which I’m grateful for.Except not.”
He nodded.“Starting to get that.”
“Different from yours, huh?Even though we grew up in the same place?”
“Could not be more different.”But he was smiling.“Maybe that’s why you fascinate me.”
“Fascinate?”I couldn’t help it; I laughed.
“I’m serious!”He squeezed me again.“You’re really soft and squishy on the inside.Most people would have a hard exterior to keep it safe, but you’re just… hard to pin down instead.”
I wasnotthe one being hard to pin down, but I managed not to say that.I took a drink instead.
He said, “You’re good at disappearing and letting go.Or you want to be.It’s your coping mechanism.”
“Is it?”
“My old therapist would say so.”He patted my hand and then took his back as the server arrived with appetizers.
When she was gone, Diego asked, “Who do you hang out with, apart from me?”
“I do happy hour with Bettina and Kyle and some people.”
“Right, but like, friend-friends.”
“Honestly, most of the people I know here are Jennie’s friends.She went to Pitt, so she has a bunch here.And when we broke up…” I flinched.
“You disappeared?”
“Fuck.”I sighed.
“Isn’t that lonely?”he asked.
I shook my head.“Honestly, no.I’m… fine by myself.I like people; I do fine with them.”
“They love you.”
