I didn’t look up when the door opened.
“Derek.”
Haizley’s voice was soft, professional. The same tone she used in our sessions when she was trying to get me to open up about something I didn’t want to talk about.
I didn’t respond.
She unlocked the door and stepped into the cell, and I heard the door close behind her.
“Derek, look at me.”
I kept my eyes on the floor. On the dried blood on my knuckles. On the concrete beneath my boots.
“I’m not here as your therapist right now,” she said quietly. “I’m here as someone who cares about you. Someone who’s watched you work harder than anyone I’ve ever known to change, to be better.”
I laughed. It was a bitter, hollow sound that echoed off the concrete walls.
“Change,” I repeated, my voice rough and broken. “Yeah. Look how fucking well that worked out.”
“What happened tonight—”
“What happened tonight is exactly what I knew would happen,” I cut her off, finally looking up at her. “You saw it. Everyone saw it. I beat the shit out of Zero because he told the truth. Because he exposed what I really am. My fucking father.”
Haizley’s expression didn’t change. She stood there, calm and composed, her hands clasped in front of her. “You beat Zero because you were in pain. Because you felt exposed and vulnerable and—”
“I beat Zero because I’m a violent piece of shit who can’t control his rage,” I said flatly. “Stop trying to make it something it’s not.”
“Derek—”
“No.” I stood up, my body screaming in protest. “No more fucking therapy. No more processing. No more pretending that I can be fixed.”
She took a step closer. “You’re not broken.”
“Yes, I am.” My voice was low, dangerous. “I’ve always been broken. You know what I did to Richard. You know what I just did to Zero. What I’ve done to hundreds of others over the years. And you know what? I’d do it all again. Every single fucking time.”
“Because you were protecting—”
“Because I’m a fucking monster!” I roared, and she flinched. “That’s what I am, Haizley. That’s what I’ve always been. Andtonight, Kat finally saw it. She saw exactly what I’m capable of. She saw the truth.”
Haizley’s jaw tightened. “The truth is that you saved a fourteen-year-old girl from being raped. The truth is that you protected someone who couldn’t protect herself.”
“The truth is that I nearly killed a man with my bare hands and felt nothing,” I said coldly. “The truth is that I enjoyed it. The truth is that when I was beating Zero tonight, all I could think about was how good it felt to hurt him. To make him bleed. To make him pay for taking her away from me.”
“Derek—”
“She’s gone.” My voice cracked. “Kat’s gone. Frankie’s gone. And they’re never coming back. Because they saw what I really am. What I’ve been trying to hide from them this whole fucking time.”
Haizley shook her head. “You haven’t been hiding. You’ve been healing. You’ve been working through your trauma, learning to regulate your emotions—”
“Regulate my emotions?” I laughed again, gesturing to my bloodied face, my split knuckles. “Does this look regulated to you?”
“You’re human, Derek. You’re allowed to have setbacks. You’re allowed to—”
“I’m done.”
The words hung in the air between us.
Haizley went very still. “What?”
