Drawing her shoulders back and her torso up, I could feel the glare from her cold stare all the way across the parking lot. “I think your secret is out, Travis,” I said, nodding my head in her direction.
Travis kept his eyes glued to me when he replied. “No, I don’t think my secret is known quite yet.”
After the Chicago show ended tonight, most everyone piled onto Travis’s bus for the ride to St. Louis, but I went to my bus and locked myself in my bedroom. That’s where I am now—eyeball deep in thoughts and questions about how Luke and I can survive this separation. Feeling like I need a good cry, I sprawl out across my bed and turn the TV on to drown out my sobs.
Then my phone rings. Luke. It’s already late and he’s calling me right now. My stomach is in knots and my heart sinks to my feet. It’s not normally good news when he calls this late, especially with how early his mornings start. I don’t know why I’m so on edge about his call unless it’s just that sixth sense that he’s feeling things are off between us, too.
“Hello?” I answer tentatively.
“Andi,” he says calmly but coolly. “I just saw the picture of you and Travis kissing.”
“What? I haven’t kissed Travis,” I deny.
“I’m looking at it, Andi. I was even sent a copy of it by special delivery. It’s definitely you and Travis,” he accuses.
“Luke, I don’t know what you’re looking at, but I haven’t kissed Travis, so there’s no way you can look at a picture of us kissing,” I assert emphatically.
“Turn your TV to the entertainment channel,” he says dryly.
Clicking the remote, I gasp loudly when the picture fills my screen.
“Luke,” I whisper. “That is not what you think it is. I swear.”
“You’re really going to deny it now when I have the proof in my hand? When it’s splattered all over the TV and Internet? When you’ve been dirty dancing with him. Traveling on the bus with him. Getting closer and closer to him the whole time you’ve been away from me. I’m supposed to take your word now?”
“My answer is the same as the last time I asked you to believe me over the pictures you held in your hand, Luke,” I state flatly, reminding him of the time he completely gutted me.
“This is different,” he argues through gritted teeth.
“It’s not different. It comes down to whether or not you trust me. I’ve never given you any reason to doubt my loyalty to you.”
“I don’t think this is going to work out between us, Andi,” Luke says flatly. “Maybe it’s best we end it here.”
“How can you do this to me again?” I whisper. The pain in my chest prevents me from anything more.
“I’ve been thinking about it—even before this picture was released. We’ve grown apart. We’re on completely different paths in life, Andi. How can we even spend any time together? You’re an opening act right now. What happens when you’re the main act? Will you do world tours and expect me to wait a year for you to get home?
“And then I get this picture of you and your boyfriend, all cozy and hugged up together. He’s obviously the one you want, so go be with him.”
Here come the tears that have been threatening to fall all day. I’ve seriously considered walking away from this tour, this dream…everything…just to be with Luke. Now I find out the truth about how he feels. He’s been thinking about how he can end it all between us.
What an idiot I am.
“Sounds like you have everything all figured out, Luke. As usual, there’s no way you’re wrong about anything. There’s no reason to actually ask me about that picture before assuming you know what you’re looking at. Just like the last time you were given pictures of me, huh?
“Tell you what, Luke.Whenyou figure out how badly you’ve just fucked up, don’t bother calling me back. I’ll mail your ring to you,” I yell and hang up before he can respond.
Then I bury my face in my pillow and scream my sobs into it. My heart is shredded, and there are no pieces left that are big enough to put back together. I put all of my trust and love into him only to not get it back in return. At the first sign of something that requires a little faith and trust on his part, he tucks tail and runs from us. He didn’t even ask me about it first. Yet again, he didn’t even give me a chance to explain before he assumed the worst about me.
I’ll probably regret the words I said to him in the morning after I’ve had time to think about it, but right now I’m just too mad and hurt to put up with one more second of this. My love is real and unconditional, but there are limits to what I’m willing to tolerate. I refuse to be anyone’s doormat, but I’d give everything I have if he’d just love me with the same intensity.
As my eyes slowly open, the morning sun is streaming through the blinds. When I look out the window, the huge arena is all I can see. I haven’t been asleep that long, but I don’t think I can go back to sleep now. I’ll be dead tired after the show tonight, though. Picking up my laptop, I decide to be brave and see what Luke was referring to when he said Travis and I are all over the Internet. As soon as I pull up the gossip pages, I instantly regret it.
One picture after the other tells a great story about us, but the fact is there isn’t even a story to tell. There are pictures of Travis and me in various places, and the way they’re laid out makes it look like we’re the world’s happiest couple. Singing onstage together, although the microphones are hidden and it looks like he’s about to kiss me. Then pictures of us getting on the same bus, but no one else is around, so it looks like we’ve claimed a bus as our own love nest.
There’s one especially unflattering picture of me patting my stomach, and the tagline says I’m already pregnant with Travis’s baby. Lovely. The paparazzi have done this to me before.
Then there’s the picture of Travis and me at the playground, when I was leaned over laughing. From the angle of the picture, it looks like I’ve leaned over and kissed him. When I brushed the tears away with my hand, it made my hand appear to be cupping his face.
