A dozen pairs of eyes on her and that was just the people on the OR floor with her. Victoria slowly turned her unwilling gaze up towards the observation gallery, where faces familiar and non were all staring at her in consternation. Among them was Dr. Elaine Martin, Oakridge’s Chief of Cardiothoracic Surgery, whose lips were pressed into a thin, concerned line. Victoria’s heart dropped into her stomach.
“I’m so sorry,” she gasped out, and then turned to run out of the room. As she hit the doors, she heard Ashley calmly informing the room that she would be taking over. Humiliation bloomed in Victoria’s cheeks as she ripped her second set of surgical garments of the day off and stuffed them into the bins.She had two more procedures scheduled for today, but she ran for the big whiteboard and scrubbed her name off of them, ignoring the outraged shrieks of the charge nurse. Normally, she would feel awful about causing this kind of chaos… normally, she would never behave like this.
But she just heard the same words repeating over and over in her head.
You’re a disgusting human. You’re doing a shitty job.
You basically killed my dad.
And underneath them, a memory she did not want to deal with was whispering a siren song of despair and guilt and shame.
Victoria kept running, up to her office to grab her purse, then heading out of the hospital towards her Mini Cooper. She just wanted to be home, to flee into her condo and lock the world out behind her. Fumbling in her purse, she yanked out her keys and threw herself into the car, peeling out of the parking garage as if a thousand demons of hell were pursuing her.
It was dangerous to drive so distractedly, so upset, she knew that, but she didn’t live too far from the hospital. Keeping to quieter streets, she made her way to the condo she’d called home for ten years now, parked her car and stalked inside.
Robotically, Victoria pulled a wine glass out of the cabinet and a bottle of a good Australian Chardonnay out of her stainless-steel refrigerator. She belted back a full glass almost without tasting it, doing a great disservice to an excellent wine she normally loved to savor. She poured a second glass and moved into the minimalist sterility of her living room, sinking down into the sleek cream leather of her sofa. Belatedly, she realized she’d left the hospital without changing out of her scrubs; she would have to return them tomorrow.
In her pocket, her phone buzzed. Victoria pulled it out to see who wanted her attention. She half-anticipated a text fromElaine Martin instructing her to be in the Chief’s office first thing in the morning.
To her surprise, shock, and utter disgust, she saw it was in fact a message from her healthcare portal.Mandatory Evaluation, it said.Dr. A. Monroe, Staff Wellness Center. Tuesday 9 AM.
“Absolutely not,” she said aloud, gulping down another mouthful of wine as she tapped and swiped her phone open with her thumb. Once in the app, she navigated to the appointment and canceled it without a second thought.
I don’t need therapy,she seethed, tossing her phone down onto the sofa.How bloody dare they. I’m fine.“I’m fine,” she repeated out loud, sipping at her wine.
She almost believed herself.
Almost.
2
ANNA
Anna Monroe sat curled up in her favorite chair in her office at Oakridge Hospital, a luxuriously overstuffed brown velvet affair she’d found for half-off at a Los Angeles consignment shop. In her lap was a slender hospital personnel folder, one with the green tab that identified the employee it belonged to as a member of the surgical staff, and the red tab that denoted them as cardiothoracic. “Victoria Ellis,” she read aloud, flipping the folder open. “Guildford, Surrey, United Kingdom. Forty-three years of age. Education at Cambridge, then University of London. Fifteen years with Oakridge’s cardiothoracic surgery department.” She lifted the page. “Acute distress episode reported following patient family encounter. Further distress same day in operating theater.”
It sounded like Dr. Victoria Ellis had had herself quite a terrible Monday, Anna observed. And that she did not at all want to talk about it, judging by the fact that the appointment Anna had made had been canceled nearly immediately.
Unfortunately for Dr. Ellis, the appointment was being mandated by Elaine Martin, the head of Cardio. So when Anna had sent her a quick email about the cancellation noticeshe had received, she had gotten an immediate telephone call back. “Please keep the appointment time open,” Dr. Martin had instructed calmly. “I’ll be chatting with Dr. Ellis later this evening, and we’ll need the time slot.”
Anna did not know much about Elaine Martin, but she did know that despite her sweet, grandmotherly appearance, even Steve Sundstrom, the Chief of Surgery for the whole hospital, did not dare cross her. Anna kept the appointment marked as OPEN in her digital calendar and waited for further word. It had come this morning at 7 AM, just as she had arrived in her office for the day.Please confirm the evaluation appointment again for Dr. Ellis,the email said.She will see you at 9 AM.
It was 8:45 now. Not long until Anna met the surgeon who had had such a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day. She was curious. There were too many people on staff at Oakridge for her to know them all, but even she had heard about Victoria Ellis, Cardio Savant and Ice Queen Extraordinaire. The woman’s poise under pressure was legendary. For her to have had some kind of visibly upsetting break that necessitated therapy indicated, to Anna, that there were some deep-seated and long unaddressed issues under the reportedly still surface. Not that she should be diagnosing before even meeting the woman.
Setting the folder aside, Anna got to her feet and went to check the coffee and tea station in the corner of her office. She liked to keep a fairly comprehensive selection there to accommodate any taste—green tea, black tea, even some loose oolong. The tiny fridge had fresh containers of milk, cream, creamer, half-and-half, oat milk, soy milk, and almond milk. Her jumbled variety of thrifted mugs was clean and hung neatly from a pegboard mounted over the table. And on her way to the office, she’d stopped to pick up some of her favorite chocolate chip cookies, fresh baked that morning, from a bakery near her house that she loved.
Hopefully that would be enough to break the ice with even the frostiest of physicians. Anna glanced in the large gilt-framed mirror on the wall and tugged on her low auburn ponytail, tightening the slipping ponytail holder until it was snug at the nape of her neck. She looked friendly and approachable, she thought. Eyes bright, smile gentle, no artifice. Just an air about her that, she hoped, said that she was here to help.
“Dr. Ellis is here,” came the cool voice of the clinic receptionist, Kathleen, from the intercom speaker in the corner.
Anna pressed the reply button. “Coming.” With one last glance in the mirror, she put on a bright smile and smoothed down the front of her rusty orange cashmere v-neck. Then she set off for the reception area, her long floral skirt swirling around her calves.
She saw immediately upon entering reception that she was going to have her work cut out for her. The tall, icy blonde standing by the door had hostility in her blue eyes and all of her walls firmly up. Unwillingness fairly crackled off of her, a statement as loud as if she’d literally shouted it. Nothing about her said she wanted to be here or that she would cooperate.
Even the tea and coffee station wouldn’t be any sort of icebreaker, Anna saw. Dr. Ellis’ arms were crossed over her chest, and one graceful hand held a slender white metal flask, presumably full of something the surgeon had made at home.Definitely going to have my hands full,Anna thought.
Dr. Ellis cleared her throat and raised one delicate blonde eyebrow. “Were we going to get this little show on the road, or am I merely a sideshow for you to gawk at today?”
Anna blinked. Knowing that Dr. Ellis was British hadn’t prepared her for the smooth, rich-girl sounding accent that delivered the withering statement. It threw her off her stride. “Ah, please, Dr. Ellis, come with me.”
