She took ten last seconds to wrap her fingers around the rim of the scrub sink, to squeeze until the metal edge bit into her fingers. The pain grounded her a little, gave her enough space to take in a few deep breaths and compose herself. Releasing the sink, she stretched her sore fingers out, rolled her head a bit to crack her neck, and then she headed out to the waiting room.
As she left the scrub room, she vaguely registered the presence of the little blonde nurse from the ICU who had come to help facilitate the transfer of Daniel Jennings to her unit for his recovery. “Dr. Ellis?”
“I’m terribly sorry, Nurse Milton.” Victoria waved a dismissive hand at the nurse, intent on her mission. “I’ve got to get to the waiting room.”
Alysa Jennings sat alone in a row of Oakridge Hospital’s polished burgundy vinyl chairs, with her three teenage sons in the row behind her. The kids all looked bored, faces fixed on the bright screens of their phones, feet kicked up to recline on the chairs in front of them. Alysa looked far less relaxed than her offspring, with her fingers twisted white-knuckled around the brown leather strap of the purse on her shoulder, her eyes large and blue and anxious. Where Daniel had been curious about possible complications, asking Victoria endless questions just to know the answers, Alysa had hated to hear about them. “It’s going to go fine, Danny,” she’d said, wringing her hands. “Stop inviting trouble.”
Victoria wasn’t superstitious and didn’t think anything Daniel or she had thought about or asked or answered had caused his death. It was an accident of medicine that had taken him. But she was aware Alysa might see it otherwise. Taking one more deep breath, she braced herself and stepped forward. “Mrs. Jennings?”
The kids didn’t look up, but Alysa did. More, she sprung to her feet, walking towards Victoria with outstretched hands. “Dr. Ellis!”
Victoria wished she hadn’t gotten up. Reluctantly, she took the woman’s hands in hers and tried to guide her back to the chairs. “Mrs. Jennings, please, let’s sit down.”
“I can’t sit anymore, I can’t be still one more minute.” Her eyes, luminous as lamps, searched Victoria’s. “Is it over? Did it go well?”
“Mrs. Jennings,” Victoria began, trying again to lead Alysa Jennings back to her seat. “Please. I need you to sit down.”
“Just tell me,” Alysa snapped, yanking her hands away. She ran them over her sleek, long chestnut bob, smoothing hair that was already shiny and smooth. “Did something go wrong?”
Well. She clearly wasn’t going to listen to reason. Victoria drew her shoulders back and lifted her chin. “Mrs. Jennings, I’m very sorry.”
Alysa stared at her for a moment, eyes saucer-wide. “What?”
“The surgery went very well. Everything was perfect.” Calm settled into Victoria, steadied her in the face of Alysa’s visibly rising horror. “Unfortunately, after we restored blood flow when we were preparing to close, it seems that Daniel’s body threw a blood clot?—”
Eyes now huge, one of Alysa’s perfectly manicured hands closed around the sapphire pendant dangling from her neck. “What? It what? What are you saying, Dr. Ellis?”
Victoria soldiered on. “His body seems to have thrown a blood clot,” she repeated. “This is called a pulmonary embolism. We believe the blood clot traveled to his lung and unfortunately, it would have cut off his blood flow. Despite taking precautions to prevent this, you may recall that we discu?—”
Alysa’s face was white, and she fumbled at her neck as if trying to get more air. “Danny? Is Danny?—”
“We discussed the possible complications, Mrs. Jennings, and you may recall that pulmonary embolisms can happen despite all of the care we take?—”
“Danny!” Alysa Jennings’ wail split the air of the waiting room, causing the startled people sitting around to jerk their heads up and stare at her. The three Jennings boys got to their feet and hustled over to their mother, staring between her and Victoria.
The oldest boy spoke up first. “What’s happening? Mom?”
“Did you do something to our dad?” The middle son, with his mother’s blue eyes, was glaring at Victoria, placing a protective hand on Alysa’s shoulder. “What’s going on?”
The youngest Jennings boy, only barely in high school as near as Victoria could tell, just let his glance bounce between his mother and the surgeon, saying nothing.
By now, Alysa was sobbing, and the more wound up she got, the calmer Victoria felt, more able to deliver the bad news rationally and clearly. Trying to explain what had gone wrong wasn’t working, so she decided to simply spit the outcome out first, and then perhaps she could explain what she thought had happened. Focusing only on Alysa, Victoria started again, trying this time to insert a bit of extra sympathy into her words. “I’m very sorry. Despite our best efforts, we were unable to resuscitate your husband, and I am afraid he did pass away on the operating table. Daniel has died.”
She had to say it, to be clear about what had happened. She always remembered that instruction from medical school. You couldn’t be ambiguous, you had to say the words, you had to say the patient was dead. Not passed away, not departed, you had to use some form of the worddead.
But it seemed to the Jennings family, this was absolutely the worst possible thing she could have done. “Dead?” Alysa wiped tears out from under her eyes and blinked at Victoria in astonishment. “You just… you just spit it out like that? My husband is gone and you just tell me he died?”
Victoria blinked back. “I’m sorry, Mrs. Jennings, but I?—”
“How can you say it like that? So blunt. So cold.” The hand was back to fiddle with the sapphire pendant. And as Victoria watched, Alysa’s upper lip actually curled. “You’re a disgusting human.”
Victoria took a step back. “I beg your pardon?”
“I beg your pardon?”Alysa said, mocking Victoria’s accent as she threw her hands into the air. “Your stupid accent, your horrible personality… how dare you! Is this a joke to you?”
“I assure you, I don’t find this funny at all.” Bewilderment flooded her. “I’m trying to explain.”
“You’re doing a shitty job,” sneered the eldest son, wrapping an arm around his mother’s shaking shoulders as she sobbed. “I mean, you basically killed my dad and this is how you tell us?”
