Andrian’s toe clipped another rock, sending it flying down the road ahead of them, and a forest-green stare warmed his cheek.
Mariah led Kodie beside him, the horse laden with their tent packs and bedrolls and anything they didn’t want to carry themselves. She’d been silent as he stewed in his self-loathing, watching him with a disconcerting sharpness that scratched at his skin.
He wished she would stop. Knew her questions about last night lingered right there on the tip of her tongue, kept only at bay by whatever she read on his face.
Gods, last night. Andrian clenched his left fist, hidden from Mariah by his body, nails digging into his palm. He hadn’t expected his questions to break her like that. Mariah had always been exceptional at bottling up her emotions, cloistering them inside until she felt safe enough to let them all out.
It was just one of the many traits that, for better or worse, they both shared.
When she’d finally let everything she was feeling out…that was his first moment of weakness. Just the idea of not going to her, of not doing everything he could to comfort her, had nearly shredded him to pieces.
So, he’d pulled her into his arms, all his strength and resolve crumbling.
Being with Mariah was instinctual. As natural to him as breathing or sleeping. It was too easy to slip back into the waythings always were. He was gone the moment her lips met his, washed away in the woman who’d shown him what it meant to live.
Fuck, it had beenperfect. The way she’d writhed and bucked beneath him before going soft and pliant. The flutter of her lashes, the sweetness of her breath, that gods-damned blush spreading across her cheeks and neck.
It was perfect.
Then she’d said those words.
Take it from me.
She’d come undone beneath him, but he’d been shoved violently back into that great hall in Khento, pinned to a chair by Kol’s power as the dark god showed him a vision of Mariah.
A vision of Mariah saying thoseexactwords, but with Kol’s fingers buried in her instead.
Reality had slammed back into him like a wave. What thefuckwas he doing? He remembered how easily Kol had gained a foothold in his mind. Manipulating the way he’d thought, dreamt, spoke. Even the things he did.
His hands were still stained red with Julian Laurent’s blood, for fucks sake.
Mariah might’ve burned out Kol’s direct connection, but something remained. Something as crucial and vital to him as life itself. Maybe it was the cursed magic, all those winding shadows in his soul that cried out for their maker.
Even now, Andrian could still feel Kol’s influence. Lingering, lurking, watching. Or maybe he didn’t, but it didn’t really matter. There was stillsomethingthere, something of Kol’s that had found purchase and was waiting for the right moment of weakness. The right moment to slip back in and manipulate him to hurt someone else.
Andrian knew who that someone would be. It made his hands clammy, made fear spread sickly fingers down his spine and sink deep claws into his gut.
He shouldn’t be here; being near her was a mistake?—
“If you don’t say anything all day, I will actually go insane.”
He nearly jumped out of his skin at Mariah’s voice. He tilted his head, just enough to meet her narrowed gaze, the annoyance now plain in her green eyes.
It seemed her patience for him had finally run out.
Andrian shook his head, forcing a weak smile. “Miss my voice that much, princess?”
Mariah’s scowl faltered. “I miss a lot of things, Andrian.”
Miss.
Not missed.
He returned his gaze to the road. He should tell her. He’d told her when his father had threatened her life, all those months ago.
He’d done that then to hurt her, to push that away. This time though, he’d be doing it to save her life. Because he loved her far more than he cared about his own future happiness.
But every time he tried to form the words, they slipped away. His confession tasted like ash on his tongue, burning his mouth beneath his swallowed shame.
